Oswaldtwistle this morning teeters on the edge of mayhem and poverty.

The war between the Gobinners Liberation Front and the Ossie lowlanders living below the library lamp-post has left the former idyllic town fighting for survival, with infant mortality through malnutrition at epidemic proportions.

Local councillors yesterday pleaded with neighbouring Blackburn to give at least 0.7 per cent of its income in regional aid.

But almost immediately right-wing activists orchestrated a mass online Twitter revolt at such, a ‘blatant unfairness’ stating that Blackburn itself was badly affected by Coalition cuts, adding ‘charity begins at home’.

One rightist Twitter explained: ‘We’re cutting back on our own precious amenities so this is no time to increase foreign aid, despite numbers starving.

'Besides, those Ossie-ites have brought it on themselves and any aid we might send will probably be abused on wars not wants.’ A Blackburn Facebook group hit back that: ‘There are strong grounds to be altruistic to keep ourselves on the moral high ground.

'Certainly we should ensure aid is targeted to get good value for money.

'Not only should we alleviate poverty, but much should go to bless those in Oswaldtwistle who are peacemakers.

'Prevention is a far better cure. Look what nations spend on all-out war because they’ve sometimes failed to use aid wisely.

'Remember, too, our self-interest. In this small global village in which we live, the mayhem and terrorism of Oswaldtwistle could easily spill over into our own town.

'Besides all this, could we look our Maker or each other in the face if we failed to act?'

(An unsubtle fable inspired by this week’s row over Britain’s international aid programme).