It's an age-old problem - at what stage do you admit you are past it?

There is nothing worse than thinking you are still young and cool enough to hang out with all the young folk.

When I was 18 I hated everyone more than two years older than I was.

However, when I reached 30 I began hating everyone who was younger than I was.

Young people quickly became the enemy because they had nothing of any use to say about anything and the conversation always revolved around mobile phones or a PlayStation game.

I don't particularly like the music any more and have switched from Radio One to Smooth FM.

Whilst window shopping the other day I noticed I haven't bought any new clothes for over a year.

There is a hole in my jeans and I don't care about it.

When I wake up in the morning there is hair on my pillow.

I used to think it was someone else's but now I have to admit it is my own.

When I talk to people I tend to switch off mid-sentence and start thinking about the cricket score or whether I had lunch or not.

I know a friend of mine who, having reached 32 still goes clubbing week in week out without fail.

This week, even he finally realised the club scene had caught up with him.

He used to lie about what a great time he had and what a great dancer he was.

It has taken him ten years but he admits he goes and stands in the corner and has a cola all night. I could imagine I would do the same.

I probably wouldn't buy the cola in the club though - far too expensive - but try to smuggle a can in myself.

There is no better way of finding out of how age has caught up you than the football pitch.

Unlike beautiful women with hair shorter than your own, the football pitch does not lie.

You can try to hold back the years for a while and pretend it's just a passing phase but sooner or later the ugly truth reveals itself.

Every now and then there will be glimpses of the past when you race past a defender, but joy soon turns to horror when he catches up with you.

And worse still he weighs 16 stone and is nicknamed is Three Chins McMurphy by his team mates.