23 bags of chips and one fish, please!

This I have found to be complete fallacy.

As the holiday season approaches I am always at a loss of where to go.

I honestly feel that it’s about time I didn’t go anywhere and save my family from the budget holiday experience that I and many others of my age may have gone through.

Back when holidays were REAL holidays there was me, my three brothers, my two sisters, my four cousins and anyone else we could pick up on the way.

We would spend ages putting all the necessary stuff into the car.

The flask, three bottles of Ribena, two bottles of cola, two loaves of bread (unopened), three bags of pakoras, nine bags of kebabs and two bottles of tomato sauce.

Then there was the essential stuff like nappies, a towel, two blankets, a spare set of clothes each, an umbrella, two packs of toilet rolls and all the qawalli cassettes you could find.

I had a friend whose mother also made him take his passport and school uniform with him. Why?

He never said.

By the time we got to the seaside, there was very little left in the car.

Most of the food was gone and all our clothes were dirty, and someone was usually sick.

Three hours into the holiday, it was time to eat again… so off we headed off to the nearest chippy.

“Twenty-three bags of chips and one fish please!” my dad would proudly say to the man behind the counter who would give him a funny look.

At which point my dad would say “Make that 26 and no fish.”

It was a race against time after dinner.

There were so many things to do and so little time but by some miracle or other, my dad would manage to fit everything in.

We would visit the zoo, the waxworks, the beach and go on at least one ride each before mid-afternoon.

Everyone also managed to get one stick of rock and a funny hat OR a T-shirt.

And there was even time to take a dip in the sea in my Y-fronts.

By 5pm it was time to go home …the summer holiday was over for another year.

Now if only things were that simple now.