I’M a big fan of list-making. It’s one of the traits of being a Virgo, so I’m told.
I’d even go as far as saying that making lists is one of my favourite pastimes. During my university years I would wake up in the middle of the night to make ridiculous lists such as which books I needed to buy, birthdays that were coming up, work I needed to do, etc.
My desk was littered with multi-coloured Post-its.
And I haven’t got any better with age. Nowadays my lists can be about anything from outfits in my wardrobe to ideas for these columns.
I once even found an old notebook containing a list I’d made of emergency topic ideas to use when calling some boy I fancied if the conversation ran dry. (Bizarrely it included “the lunar eclipse”. What an enthralling conversationalist I must have been).
With the wedding looming my capacity for list-making has gone into overdrive. I've got to do lists, done lists, checklists, lists of contacts, lists of suppliers — lists of everything you can think of, basically.
So you can imagine how excited I was this week when a new book called “Top Tens” landed on my desk.
I always thought I was the only crazy person who got an obsessive compulsive kick out of writing lists, but it turns out that the writers of men's mag Short List do too.
Their book contains funny, fascinating and absurd lists.
Here are some of my favourites:
Food that tastes better the next day:
Chicken drumsticks (add extra taste points for barbecue coating)
A pepperoni pizza slice
Sweet and sour pork
Roast pork with apple sauce
White rice
Lamb bhuna
Chicken pie with thick pastry.
Things you shouldn’t steal (but possibly do)
Pens from bookmakers
Serviettes from coffee shops
Grapes from supermarkets
Glasses from pubs
Traffic cones from roadworks
Office supplies from work
Sachets of sauce from fast-food chains
Pencils from IKEA
Headphones from aeroplanes.
Things you have to do as a man
Refuse to ask for directions
Never use an umbrella
Bound up stairs two at a time
Consume the lime pickle from the poppadom relish selection
Kick the tyres when buying a car
Use the remote to unlock your car from as far away as possible.
The most irritating phrases ever
At the end of the day
Fairly unique
I personally
At this moment in time
With all due respect
Absolutely
It’s a nightmare
24/7
It's not rocket science.
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