I’VE been on a first-aid training course this week and one of the things I’ve learnt is that if someone’s had an overdose you can normally tell because they’ll be wanting to vomit, they’ll be slumped in semi-consciousness and in pain.

(Another of the things I’ve learnt is that it doesn’t matter how much you dislike someone, or how bad their breath is, you still have to give them CPR... but that’s another story).

Anyway, funnily enough, I’ve been experiencing similar symptoms after turning on the telly at night. Only the thing that’s flooding my system isn’t poison... it’s something called celebrity.

Now don’t get me wrong, I love celebrities. Probably a bit too much if I’m honest. And I love reality TV too. I can name every Celebrity Big Brother contestant since the days of Craig and Sada. I even don’t mind the rubbish ones like Castaway and The Farm.

But even I’m finding it difficult to keep up at the moment. We’re experiencing an avalanche of Z-listers!

I could contend with Celebrity Big Brother no problem. Even with Dancing on Ice on at the same time. But it doesn’t end there. There’s Celebrity Come Dine With Me, All Stars Family Fortunes. Even Duncan from Blue is the subject of a new sitcom.

In just one week it’s been possible to watch Abi Titmuss eat a meal cooked by Jonathan Ross’s less famous brother Paul; listen to La Toya Jackson discussing religion with one-hit-wonder Coolio; and watch while Todd Carty stumbled around on a giant ice cube praying he wouldn’t fall and do himself an injury. It all just seems to be getting a little bit too ridiculous for my liking.

I mean what on earth is Donal MacIntyre doing on Dancing on Ice?

This is a hard-nosed undercover investigative journalist who has infiltrated some of the scariest gangs of football hooligans, even tattooing himself in the process to show his dedication. And now he’s dressing up in sparkly shirts to do arabesques on the ice for our entertainment?

All I’ll say Donal is that you wouldn’t get Ross Kemp doing that. I think the main problem is that having celebrities paraded for our viewing 24/7 de-mystifies them a bit too much.

Stars of yesteryear – your James Deans and Audrey Hepburns – knew that one of the reasons we looked up to them was because their lives seemed so much more glamorous than ours. We didn’t see the blood, sweat and tears that went into their work.

But watching Tina Malone biting her toenails and listening to Michelle Heaton discussing her wind problems just isn’t attractive.

Neither is seeing Dorian from Birds of a Feather attempt to poison her dinner guests with raw lamb.

Did nobody tell these guys that there’s a thing called ‘too much information’.

Don’t they know how to play hard to get?

I know January is a boring and slightly depressing month, but surely we can think of something better to do than watch this drivel.

Although would that mean we’d have to leave the house when it’s cold and wet to socialise with other humans?

On second thoughts, I'll just see what’s on Sky.