There's a question that's been bugging me? Why, in the days when 'natural' is the buzzword, when everyone worth their salt is pushing 'organic' and 'free-from', are school uniforms made out of Teflon?

Well, maybe not Teflon as such - that's for pans isn't it? - but similar sounding material that feel about as natural as a lump of melted down UPVC.

In fact, until I bought my daughter's jumper for her new school, I didn't know you could melt down UPVC and knit with it. If I spot any old windows in a skip I might drag them out and run up a few sweaters.

The jumper is 100 per centI think the word I'm looking for is artificial. Man-made. Natural fibres are nowhere to be found.

It's the same with the blouses - all made of poly-whatever, a horrible synthetic material that doesn't need to be ironed. They feel like wipe-clean toddler's placemats, so maybe I don't need to wash them either.

And I'm convinced my daughter's PE shorts were made in a laboratory. They're a sort of nylon/rayon/Teflon mix with a hideous sheen that make Lionel Richie's suits look dull in comparison.

I don't remember uniforms being like this when I was young. I'm sure we all wore cotton - the shirts certainly were. It makes sense.

In the hot, sticky environment of a school, where children are rushing down corridors and up and down stairs, it makes sense to wear breathable material, rather than something that given you overpowering BO the minute the temperature creeps above freezing.

And which, I imagine, would spontaneously combust if it got too hot.

Anyway, aren't we all supposed to be eco-friendly these days? I wouldn't have thought the production process for the Polypropylene blouse and the Polyvinyl Chloride skirt was very green.

But you can't get school stuff in cotton these days for love nor money. Believe me, I've tried. I'm sure there are websites selling it at exorbitant prices, but I'm a high street person, and you seriously cannot get it. I don't believe it is a question of price (you can buy an entire UPVC uniform for under a tenner) - I buy loads of cheap cotton tops for my children. I'm well and truly baffled.

As for my joke at the beginning of this column about Teflon - I was amazed to discover that it really IS used for uniforms, as adverts on the TV have confirmed.

And a closer inspection of my daughter's trousers revealed that they are, in fact Teflon-coated.

And not just plain old Teflon, but advanced dual-action' Teflon. Maybe I've got a bargain - I might be able to fry eggs on them too.