AS much as we love a heatwave, we Brits are very un-European went it comes to good weather.
With clothing, it’s a case of less is more. And people who’ve spent all year self-consciously folding their arms over bulging bellies or hiding varicosed hairy legs in trousers, suddenly flash the flesh with the confidence of beauty pageanters.
‘Bingowingaphobia’ is forgotten by both sexes as wife-beater and skinny vests teamed with cropped pants or Daisy Duke shorts come out to honour the appearance of Mr Sun.
You’d never see a French gentleman stripped to the waist and dripping sweat over the croissants in a supermarche. Just as you’d never encounter a Spanish senora sitting in a crop top in the full blaze of the midday sun swilling beer.
But as soon as those rays appear, we throw style and caution to the wind. The ‘no drinking on a school night’ rule is abandoned. We head for that one pub that we’d never normally patronise because it has a patch of grass and plastic chairs out the back making it eligible for the glamorous title of beer garden. Dinner is pub grub.
And unlike our European friends we don’t have a relaxed couple of glasses with a tapa or two before strolling home. No, we go at it with the enthusiasm of a beer festival during Prohibition, pouring alcohol down our throats until the last embers of sunshine die. It’s called making the most of it because tomorrow it may rain.
Hot weather also brings out the British barbecue. If you’ve ever put washing out during a hot spell, you’ll know it comes back stinking of incinerated burger. And there’s a protocol, the man of the house, who can scarcely boil an egg 50 weeks of the year, turns all Gordon Ramsay with his sausage pincers and oil brush.
Driving habits also change. The middle-aged man who cruises along the motorway at a steady 55, turns into Lewis Hamilton – revving it up, windows down, tie off, shirt open, shades on and checking out every female backside in his wing mirror as he goes.
Which brings me to baby-making. Have you ever wondered why there are so many birthdays in March, April and May? That’s because sunshine puts us in the mood for love... or maybe it’s the booze.
No matter what fashion faux pas, irresponsible behaviour or erratic driving habits it brings with it, we all welcome a bit of sun... until it gets too hot, that is.
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