I KNOW the world of celebrity and rich folk is in a different galaxy to the one we inhabit and we can only peer into it via the pages of Hello! or Grazia, but I’m wondering if they drink or eat something only available at Harrods or Fortnum and Mason.
How else could Kate Middleton emerge from the maternity hospital within hours of giving birth looking positively invigorated, with a face as fresh as a Spring morning and a baby sleeping so deeply she wasn’t even wakened by an audience of flashing cameras?
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Yes, I know about stylists, make-up artists etc, but there’s only so much dark eyebag Touche Eclat can disguise. As a women’s editor I did many a makeover and rapidly came to the conclusion it’s impossible to make a silk purse out of a sow’s ear without major cosmetic surgery.
I mean, Kate looked like she’d just returned from a mini-spa break. If she’d have been pressed she probably could have cartwheeled down the hospital steps. Where was the John Wayne walk of most new mothers? She was actually wearing high heels. Is that even legal after giving birth?
I can’t be the only new mother who emerged from hospital with hair standing on end, lines of agony etched into my face and a purple-faced, thrashing baby.
The night before, I was lying exhausted on my bed in a fetching flesh-coloured maternity nightie, a Mothercare special. It had disturbed me that despite having pushed out an almost eight-pounder, my belly looked like they’d left his twin inside. It didn’t go unnoticed by my cousin, who at visitor time said very loudly “have you still got one in there?”
I bet Kate and Wills wouldn’t have left their new born in her carrycot in the car whilst desperately ransacking Boots looking for nipple shields. I could see the car from the shop, but God knows what was going through my post-natal mushed brain. That was even worse than my friend who forgot her new baby in her pram outside the Post Office. When she got home, she couldn’t get the niggling feeling out of her head that she’d forgotten to buy stamps.
I’m sure Kate has her off days, but I doubt we’ll ever see her with baby vomit down her back or wipes and Pampers stuffed into her Prada handbag.
It would be nice if we did though. It would help new mums resist the pressure to look like models days after birth when they need to devoted their attention to the demands of a new baby.
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