A BRIGHT young spark has come up with the best app ever invented.
A UK university student has created The Flush Toilet Finder app to help people locate their nearest loo. It works worldwide from a database of 100,000 public toilets. But it also allows users to add locations which may not already be listed.
If it’s used correctly and pranksters don’t upload the home addresses of people they don’t like – can you imagine a group of cross-legged Spanish students turning up at your door? – then it’s a brilliant idea.
I’d have paid top dollar for an app like that when, as a Slimming World consultant, I had to personally deliver 3,000 leaflets several times a year. I’d set off happily with my full satchel and after an hour I’d be jigging on a street corner with a desperate look on my face pondering whether I should knock on someone’s door and ask to use the loo.
On one occasion I was caught squatting behind a tree by a cocker spaniel with a George Clooney lookalike attached to its lead. I could have died with shame, particularly as I was wearing my biggest granny knickers.
A fellow consultant suggested I purchase a Shewee. To the uninitiated, that’s a plastic funnel with a smallish bowl attached to it. The idea is that you put it in place, do the deed and no-one is any the wiser.
But without getting into graphic details (you’ll know what I mean if you’ve ever had to give a urine sample) I couldn’t get the hang of it, so it’s now being used to water my house plants.
Another time the app could have helped me was when I got lost on holiday in California. I was dying for the loo and sweating with panic. I had nowhere to run and nowhere to hide, so the inevitable happened. I couldn’t even disguise the fact because I was wearing shorts and a T-shirt at the time. I didn’t dare flag down a police car in case I was charged with wetting federal property. I was staying with my brother so I called him up and wailed – “I’ve peeeeeed my pants”. He stifled a snigger and gave me directions of how to get home. It was two minutes up the road!!!!
When I arrived the house was like the Marie Celeste. The front door was wide open and there was a path directly to the bathroom. Still crying, I showered then went outside only to be greeted by a group of people who let out a resounding cheer. So thank you young university man – your invention is a most welcome relief.
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