DAUGHTER has gone back to uni and I’m surveying my devastated surroundings trying to assess what's not been plundered.

All kids have that “What's yours is mine and what's mine is mine” attitude, but I’m kicking myself for not nailing down the pot plants.

This year she’s going into her first student house and we’ve had hysterics from the outset.

The direct debit for the rent bounced because her grant didn’t come through in time. There were further outpourings of grief because all her much richer friends could afford it and she’d have to live off tins of beans in darkness.

When we sat down and worked it out, she had plenty of money for Happy Hour cocktails and the odd bit of food.

Then there was the depression over her cellar room being like a dungeon.

I saw it this week and, when the blackout curtains were opened, it was proper bright and breezy. Who’d have known?

But the covert pillaging has been something to behold, or not, as the case maybe. She did a spot of charity mugging for the Red Cross over summer and, my, the training she received in order to extract cash from innocent passersby in the worst recession this country has seen has served her well.

I feel well and truly chugged.

One beautiful orchid in a nice silver pot that I received for my birthday – GONE!

One ‘Young Free and Skint’ mug that made me feel alive – GONE!

Two leopard skin cushion covers – GONE!

One funky cotton rug – GONE!

Two perfect ambient lights – GONE!

Numerous candle holders – GONE!

One loveable Labrador – GONE!

Only joking our dog Lola refused to budge – students aren’t big on walkies.

Looking on the bright side, if she doesn’t make it at uni, she has a fine career ahead her in house clearance.