NOW that it has been resolved to tackle the cigarette problem and then to increase the basic cost of a unit of alcohol, how long before we get to the real issue that needs dealing with, that affects my life – that of fat people?

Whilst I am prepared to allow a little extra to be carried, those who are above, say, 10lb overweight, should face a tax conmensurate with the mass.

This fat tax should be channelled directly to the NHS, where it can be used to pay for things like reinforced ambulances, wider trolleys, reinforced beds, lifting gear and the like.

The morbidly obese should be made to live on the upper floors of a tower block where the lift doesn't work, and given restricted times in supermarkets. This means that only a few overweight people are choking up the aisles at any one time and not going around the store like a pod of beachless whales.

Woolywords (via website).