It's time to destroy some urban myths and seeing as nobody else has got the tattays to say anything I guess I'll do it.

Asians like to be put through to other Asians when they ring a big Company - FALSE - What? So he can tell everyone I applied for a job there?

Things in Asian owned shops are cheaper than elsewhere - FALSE - Have you not heard of the Jagga tax?

Asians dont drink - FALSE - Some of us do have a tickle to get our tackle in order.

Only Asian people know where all the good Indian restaurants are - FALSE - We're more likely to tell you where the best chippy is.

There are always too many Asians at the Airport - TRUE - Those trips back to our native land may cost a packet and drive most of us mental but without them we couldnt function.

Asian 'bad boy' drivers are a menace to society - FALSE - Fast cars are necessary to get to work on time and there is always ample boot space (when the speakers are removed) for cricket gear. Anyway ALL bad boy drivers are a menace to society especially those who spend thousands of pounds on putting extra gear on their REALLY CHEAP cars!

Asian women can't drive - FALSE - Everybody else drives too fast. And please tell us when our dresses are hanging out of the door.

Loud is Proud - TRUE - The sound system has to be loud and the beats have got to shake the street, otherwise I get sleepy.

Asian people always pack too many into a car - FALSE - There is always space, what do think the boot is for.

The gold Tissue box is worth more than the car - Maybe! Okay true. Its solid gold you know!!!

Asians don't know how to use the horn - FALSE - Winning a cricket match or Eid needs to be celebrated in the right way.

Asians don't know how to indicate - FALSE - My dad owns the road and anyway you should know I'm gonna turn right...... or left or not at all...

Asian men never do the shopping - TRUE I mean FALSE - Tesco didnt become the UKs most popular supermarket overnight you know.

Those Asians with smart cars are smack dealers - FALSE - They deal in clothes.

Asians get on better with other Asians - FALSE - We are probably more racist towards one another than to anyone else. If youve got a problem with it send a complaint in. Ill deal with it like I always do.