OK, plans for the Western Bypass have been thrown out and we all want to know how we are supposed to get through Lancaster's ridiculous traffic from now on.

Many so called transport campaigners are urging us to leave the car behind and take the bus to work.

I did just that. It is completely beyond be how I managed to get to the Citizen office this morning, having to rely on Lancaster's pathetic excuse for a bus service.

Get on virtually any bus in Lancaster and Morecambe and you will doubtless see a polite notice to the paying public which says: "Please state destination clearly."

Bearing this in mind I climbed aboard the bus, correct money in hand, and stated my destination clearly.

The driver, who incidentally looked old enough to have fought in the Battle of Hastings, retorted with a groan, put on his NHS specs and searched his price sheet for the fare.

It must have been about a fortnight later when the aging driver demanded my money with a sigh.

To his absolute disgust, I handed him the correct fare which had begun to fester in my hand. He then had a good old rant at me for not telling him the fare in the first place.

Erm, excuse me for being able to read but the polite notice did not say "Please state exact fare clearly" - and I have never been one to tell someone else how to do their job as you know.

The bus then proceeded to rattle and squeak at at least 4mph, stopping at every lamp-post to pick up pensioners with trolleys, before cutting the journey into Lancaster short and calling into the Skerton depot with a dodgy back wheel.

After a change of bus and a chat with a pensioner about her contagious skin disease, I arrived at Lancaster bus station 30 minutes late. Thanks very much.

If the buses continue to be as reliable as a horse and cart in 4ft of snow, people are not going to start leaving their cars at home and the horrendous traffic problems will not improve. Get there by bus but

with a lot of fuss! This week's Citizen Smith was written by Wendy Sargeant

Converted for the new archive on 14 July 2000. Some images and formatting may have been lost in the conversion.