YOU can call me a Philistine as long and as often as you want, but when an artist can get work teaching students how to make full-size Paper People from cardboard boxes, newspapers, colour magazines and paper bags - I give up!

Whatever forlorn hope I had of a new industrial age putting the Great back into Britain ended late last Thursday when Bury College proudly announced its newest appointment.

Artist Philip Cox is "in residency", as they proclaim rather regally, with the College art students from April 29 to May 2, to teach the lads and lasses how best to recycle paper and cardboard.

And their finished Paper People,"who will be in a variety of seated and standing poses," says the College press release, "will live permanently around the College's buildings!"

Not for long, I shouldn't wonder! But anyway Janice Crowley, who heads Arts at Bury College, said among other things: "... the finished products will provide an interesting visual attraction within the college."

When I first read about this I began to think about things like CVs. How, for example, would a typical art student describe his or her capabilities?

"If you ever need anybody to make life-sized cardboard cut-outs, I'm your person?" Or perhaps, "I've got an A level in Origami - and I create Paper People with enthusiasm and creativity?"

Incidentally, it has nothing to do with this tale but the reason I've written "I'm your person" rather than the better-known "I'm your man" is because somewhere in Bury there lives a politically correct busybody who some time ago got upset over a headline in the Journal - Jobs For The Boys.

His or her letter in anonymity to the appropriate Authority caused me a bit of a hassle, hence Person rather than Man.

And while I'm on the subject of correctness may I mention to our Councillors, and anyone else who makes me cringe when I see it, that grammatically, despite the Oxford English Dictionary's definition, a Chair to the vast majority of people is something you sit on or slouch in.

Individuals - not lumps of wood with two arms, a padded bottom and four legs (however apt this might appear to be) - preside over meetings so please, let's see Chairman or Chairwoman where appropriate, Chairperson if you must, and Chair whenever you feel the urge to promote yourself as a Loony Leftie.

Getting back to Bury College and Philip Cox and his Paper People, it's not my cup of tea because - as you suspected - I'm a Philistine!

Despite our Government having destroyed the majority of our industrial capabilities - if you don't believe it go to Sheffield and play "Find The Steelworks" - I'd still like to see students looking towards creating a brighter future for Britain by doing something a bit more worthwhile than building Paper People.

But having said my piece I must admit that Philip Cox is an extremely talented artist. His works are outstanding and lifelike, and Bury College is to be congratulated on persuading him to come. TO the letter writer who didn't give his address and whose name is illegible but could be either Swindbourne or Swordbearer, may I say that we car drivers do pay our way.

We pay for the roads we drive along, we buy statutory insurance just in case we knock you down, and I firmly believe you'd have something to belly-ache about if you were charged as much for walking and loitering as I am charged for riding and parking.

And just in case you're in any doubt, I belly-ache about car parking because it's bad for the majority of retailers who frankly are not having a great time.

I've got a parking spot, thank-you. But I do care about what happens to others, especially those who have to pay a fiver - a damn sight more than they'd pay in Manchester regardless of what some of our councillors would have us believe - to park all day.

And now you've got me back on my favourite subject, if you must write letters, write to the Council and ask them when they're going to stop lending YOUR money to their staff to buy cars they can then park free - courtesy of the Council Tax payers.

Converted for the new archive on 14 July 2000. Some images and formatting may have been lost in the conversion.