One ray of sunshine and they're all out aren't they? Yes you've guessed it the unsightly crew of monsters that think the moment those uv rays penetrate the blanket of cloud (which hovers almost permanently over Lancaster and Morecambe) they have the right to go out dressed like they were in St Tropez.

Now this may be okay if you look like Cindy Crawford or Christie Brinkley but unfortunately most of the people round here don't match that description - in fact most of the women look more like Sharon and Tracy out of Viz magazine.

You'd think with a whole new range of laws on hand (in the shape of the European courts) that someone would try to ban the fat and ugly from dressing up in summer clothes. Pouring their generous portions of lard into the smallest pair of leggings is a bit much. I know lycra is an revolutionary material but really some of these girls are pushing technology to the limit in an exercise of hope over reality.

People who smoke have been punished in all ways from the anti-smoking lobby who have used the power of the courts to their full effect. So have the carnivores - who have to listen to an almost endless whine from the veggie brigade about how evil and offensive we are. So what about the poor souls who are offended by the sight of big, fat porkers as ugly as sin and dressed to thrill? Don't we have the right to say: "Hey you are an eyesore and should only be out after dark - go away you are putting me off my food,"?

In the same way that smokers are segregated in a restaurant people who cause visual offence in this way should be made to eat in a separate area of the restaurant - preferably behind a wall! And they should be kept off the streets as well. A little dickie bird tells me that some councillors regard the voucher parking scheme as a great success. Well as Mandy Rice-Davis once said etc. Are they really that arrogant? They should take a walk down Penny Street to see their lovely little scheme in operation. People not parking, shops refusing to sell voucher tickets, shopkeepers who are nothing to do with the scheme being bothered by unsure motorists - need I go on? Limit the parking to half an hour, instal meters, do anything but this. I don't know anybody who is happy with the situation. Traders say business is suffering, traffic wardens are having to deal with exasperated and confused commuters, residents are furious so how can it be deemed successful? Any councillor with the nerve to write to me is more than welcome to explain this total shambles.

Converted for the new archive on 14 July 2000. Some images and formatting may have been lost in the conversion.