Mortal thoughts

RARELY do you meet someone with so much spirit, courage and humour - when they are staring death in the face.

After a hard and long battle against cancer, Chrissie Barnes - alias singer Chrissie Rey - has come to terms with the stark fact that her body is dying and embraced her mortality with open arms.

And part of her philosophy involves smiling every day. Chrissie believes every day without a smile is a wasted one. She thinks positive and looks to her future. The 35-year-old, who was told by doctors that she would not survive to see last Christmas, knows she is living on borrowed time and is determined to make the most of every new day.

"I'm prepared to accept what will happen. I just get on with my life and do everything possible. I don't want to sit in the chair all day and expect people to look after me," said Chrissie, who lives with partner Dave Stansfield in Manchester Road, Burnley. "I know the inevitable will happen but I just don't know when. We are all going to go at some time, anyway."

Being alive on Christmas Day was the best present Santa could have brought. She said: "The specialist didn't expect me to be around at Christmas. He said write your Christmas list, take a holiday but don't expect much after that. On Christmas Day everyone was excited about their presents. I just though 'Yes! I'm still here!'"

Today, with her beautiful looks ravaged by cancer and her battered body weary of the pain, her vitality and zest for life remain untouched.

"I don't feel pressured," she said. "I take each day as it comes and every day can be different. I don't think about the cancer unless I get a side-effect." Chrissie has finally beaten her year-long bitterness and depression.

She said: "When I knew I wasn't going to get any better I planned my own funeral to keep me busy but later I thought: 'This can't really happen to me - I'm too young.' I went into a terrible depression. I couldn't speak or go out. I was very angry. I would smash plates. It was like somebody had taken over. One day I just decided I had had enough of being depressed. I was making it worse for everyone. I had to find goals."

And she did. At a time when most would expect Chrissie to have given up, she has completed a music diploma, achieving the highest marks at Burnley College. She is embarking on a creative writing course and an Open University music degree course and is writing an autobiography.

She is intent on raising money to help other cancer victims. She is organising benefit concerts, compiling a memorial tape called The Celebration of Life and is leading musicals with St James's Players in Burnley - all with the aim of raising cash for the Christie Hospital in Manchester, where she has received treatment. Chrissie's talent was obvious even at the age of five when she used the vacuum cleaner as a microphone, her living room as a stage and her family as her audience. The youngster from Harle Syke was soon performing in pantomimes, plays and musicals and was a member of Burnley Youth Theatre and Burnley and Lancashire Youth Choirs.

She did a stint as a nanny and nursery school assistant but eventually followed her dream and, in the footsteps of her grandma club - singer Alice Dale - became a popular artist on the local circuit before clinching a six-year-contract in Germany as lead vocalist of a band.

She married and divorced singer and guitarist Ian Barnes. The couple were the duo Chrissie until they split and Chrissie launched a successful solo career. Her deep, rich voice was her trademark and the reason she was one of the most sought-after artists in the North West. At the highest point in her career disaster struck. She was diagnosed with breast cancer in 1994 and after radiotherapy believed she had beaten the illness. Tragically, she found a second lump 14 months later and had her lymph gland removed. She started chemotherapy on the first day of her music diploma course and had to deal with the horrendous side effects at the same time as studying.

She said: "To me, the cure was worse than the killer. There was so much sickness and pain. You wanted to sleep all the time. I was also on tablets which made me go through the menopause."

Her long, thick hair fell out with the chemotherapy but she said: "I wasn't bothered - I used to shave it off when I was in Germany anyway."

The chemotherapy failed and the cancer spread. A scan revealed three brain tumours and doctors dropped the bombshell. "All they could do was control the pain and make me comfortable. I said Well, I've had 35 bloody good years and you can't say that about everybody," said Chrissie.

As her health deteriorated, Chrissie found she could no longer sing and channelled her energy into directing musicals for St James's Players. She delayed chemotherapy to finish Ebenezer and, despite being physically and mentally tired, fought to finish the sell-out production Alice.

She said: "I loved my job and miss singing but I'm not giving up. Doing the shows does compensate. They take a lot out of me and I am very tired but I had to finish Alice and do it well."

Chrissie has received tremendous support from her family, friends, partner Dave and especially the people at the hospice day care centre in Nelson.

And she warned other women to examine themselves regularly.

She said: "If there is a problem, however small, they should go to their doctor."

Converted for the new archive on 14 July 2000. Some images and formatting may have been lost in the conversion.