IS ANYONE else fed up with the election campaign? Oh, you all are! Well what a surprise. And I suppose that, like me, you have had a bit of a conscience about your lack of interest.

Yes, I know that our forefathers fought a desperate fight for emancipation and yes we are lucky we don't live in Zaire and yes where would we be if nobody bothered to turn out and vote?

Well, I've finally decided that I am now an ex-voter. They've had their chance and blown it.

Facts can be made to mean anything. And, boy, do the politicians twist and shout 'em.

Who do they think they are kidding? That's what really annoys. They take us for idiots and then they expect us to turn out and give them a vote of approval. Not me.

Let's take just three recent examples:

Crime is down just about everywhere! The thugs and burglars and muggers and rapists are on the run! Yippee! Come off it. What they actually mean is that reported crime is down but, of course, TV and the media wrap it up and forget the little word "reported." It's blatantly obvious that many folk just don't bother to report thefts from cars and break-ins these days. What's the point? They do bother to report serious assault and rape and, surprise surprise, these figures are soaring.

Unemployment is down to 1.7million say the Tories. No it's not - it's over four million says a recent survey for the Midland Bank. Well obviously they can't both be right. But by the time you've bothered to analyse all the figures you might well come to the conclusion that they are indeed both right. No wonder we are dizzy.

And how about the Labour Party's election slogan that we have suffered 22 tax increases since the Conservative came to power. Answer that one, Mr Major. Well actually there have been 25 tax reductions in that time they say. And off we go again with a load of waffle that will spin your head faster than when you were trying to work out those crime and unemployment ratios.

It's the same wherever you look - education, Europe, health, pensions . . .The only thing I am certain about, having got to know several MPs closely over many years, is that they have a very nice time of it thank you very much.

And they'll fight like hell to hang on or grab a piece of the action. That's what the election is all about. Not you or I.

Converted for the new archive on 14 July 2000. Some images and formatting may have been lost in the conversion.