WHAT will the Yanks think of next? Scientists in the States have bred mice with muscles three times stronger than usual. Don't tell me, they can actually lift the traps to get the cheese out... Just a thought, why isn't there mouse-flavoured cat food?

IN parts of Hampshire the usual 4in bright yellow parking lines are being replaced with one inch pale primrose ones. Sadly, the fines are still the same size ... but it's a prettier way of getting a ticket, isn't it?

Posh Spice Victoria has bought an MG Convertible. That surprised me. I would have thought Geri would be the one who favours the top that keeps coming off!

IN Birmingham a window cleaner cleaned three 45ins windows in 18.46 seconds. I once knew one who did a whole street in 15 seconds. Mind you, he had just been tipped off that the bloke from the DSS was just around the corner!

...and in Norfolk, Virginia, women found guilty of prostitution must wear a T-shirt with the word 'slut' written in big red letters across the front for 7 days ... after which they go back to more traditional forms of advertising, like cards in 'phone boxes and things.

Thirty-three Sooty, Sweep and Sue dolls sent to Matthew Corbett have gone missing in the post. Apparently, Corbett needs so many of the puppets because they get dirty. I'm not sure if that means soiled or just raunchy.

This week I have to give away 5 copies of the Fever Pitch CD.

For your chance to claim one of these great CD's.

Just answer this question: Who starred in Fever Pitch?

Answers with your name, address and daytime telephone number to: Fever Pitch Contest, Kev Seed Column, Preston Citizen, 3 Winckley Court, Winckley Square, Preston PR1 3JJ. The closing date is May 16.

Converted for the new archive on 14 July 2000. Some images and formatting may have been lost in the conversion.