Michael Barrymore wants to pay £2 million for a house in Essex with a magnificent gym ... wait until he finds that's spelt G-Y-M.

Pauline Quirke of Birds of a Feather is to star in a police series. It's not a comedy, well, not until she tries running after a crook.

Twenty-eight passengers were stranded 70 feet above the ground when a rollercoaster broke down at a funfair in Belgium, or as it's now known, a fair in Belgium.

A spokesman said most of the passengers remained calm, apart from the ones who'd HAD change in their pockets and the guy who USED to wear a toupee.

The food at a Northampton wedding reception got ruined so the bride dialled a firm for a thousand pizzas. The guests were happy but the teenager on the moped who had to deliver them wasn't!

I did laugh at the story about the man in Edinburgh who was fined £100 for making love to a plimsoll in the street.

Apparently he stood there in the dock staring at the floor. It wasn't shame. He'd just noticed one of the jury was wearing a particularly attractive pair of trainers.

And he's always fantasised about twins. I wonder what chat-up line he uses - your lace or mine!

Channel 5's news now has 700,000 viewers, beating Channel Four's figures, but it's still not in the same league as, say, BBC 2.

Newsnight has Peter Snow, Channel 5 just has snow.

This and every Saturday I shall be appearing at Blackburn's biggest and busiest nightclub Utopia, formerly Peppermint Place.

Doors open at 9pm and we'll party thru 'til 3am. Come on down, but be early.

This week I have a pair of tickets to see Toni Braxton in concert at the Nynex Arena in Manchester, but hurry with your entries as it takes place next Wednesday, September 10, at 8pm.

Just tell us the title of Toni's last single, send with your name, address and day-time telephone number to: Braxton comp, Preston Citizen, 3 Winckley Court, Chapel Street, Preston, PR1 3JJ.

Get your entries to the Citizen by Tuesday, September 9. The winner will be notified that afternoon.

Tune in to Kev's breakfast show every weekday morning on Rock FM 6-9.30am.

Converted for the new archive on 14 July 2000. Some images and formatting may have been lost in the conversion.