WE had a great night out in down town Horwich near Wigan last week when all the glitz and glamour of Hollywood came to the opening of the new Warner Cinema Village.

Stars from stage, screen, TV and sport turned out to the official launch party and Dame Edna complete with her gladioli cut the ribbon.

For us crazy pair the most amicable mega-star of the evening had to be Rik Mayall who readily agreed to do an interview after the ceremony.

Gilly explained to Rik about the breakfast show's brand new soap opera - Soapy Waters - and jokingly asked the top comedy star if he would like to do a cameo role.

We couldn't believe it when he said yes, so listen out this Friday when Rik Mayall calls into the Cowpat Arms and orders a pint of best from Willy Washit.

Fancy living in Sydney for the Olympics, then Monte Carlo for the rally?

Why not buy an apartment aboard the World - a one thousand foot cruise liner (larger than the QE2) which sails around the globe on an annual basis. You want have to worry about keeping yourself occupied!

The World has its own helipad, golf driving range, tennis courts, supermarkets, seven restaurants, doctors surgery and much much more. Apartments cost £850,000.

We see that boxing champion Herbie Hide wants to keep a panther in his garden in Norfolk...a pair of Emus escaped recently in Kent...and a brace of pigs swarmed to freedom last week.

What we would like to know is do people not keep cats, dogs, hamsters or budgies for pets any more?

Fancy lying in bed at night wondering if the red-kneed tarantula you've got downstairs has slipped between the bars and is legging it up the bannister to show you how much he cares.

We opened the phone lines this week

on the subject of professional drunks

and how they do it. For example:

Builders get plastered

Soldiers get tanked up

Mechanics get well oiled

Dancers get legless

Bricklayers get stoned

And sailors get wrecked.

Any more call us on 01772 900999

Converted for the new archive on 14 July 2000. Some images and formatting may have been lost in the conversion.