SOMETHING that needs dropping from hospital lingo is 'NBM' - Nil By Mouth. For after being rushed to Blackburn Infirmary a fortnight ago, I spent most of the night on drips and the following morning inquired after some breakfast.

I was told in no uncertain terms that there was nothing for me. On asking why, I was told: "Look on your board - NBM."

So in a state of fast, I went through several X-rays and other tests. On my return, the NBM was still there. Watching other patients tucking into supper, I asked about some sustenance. Nothing for you, I was told.

Then, I found I was down for a CT-scan and spinal X-rays next day. "You can have a cup of tea," they said. The scans and X-rays came and went and the NBM vanished from my cot in Ward 4.

"Great!" I thought. I was ready for a real tuck-in for supper - only to find there was nothing on the trolley for me. I should have put my menu in the day before, something I never even thought about. "We'll find you something," said one of the nurses.

"Owt's better than nowt," I thought as I dug my spoon into some sort of soup. Forgetting the ward had a number of Asian guests, I found that first spoonful almost blew my head off.

It went back to the kitchen and, for the rest of my stay, food choice was more or less in my own hands.

Now, for those wonderful nurses. They are pushing pipes and needles into all sorts of places, yet we love them crazy.

It's true - you can take it from me. Shows what queer people we are. One young maiden even sent me a Valentine card, and I'll be 80 next month. Bless her.

S.E., Clitheroe (full name and address supplied).

Converted for the new archive on 14 July 2000. Some images and formatting may have been lost in the conversion.