REGARDING Mrs Margaret Baxter's call (LET, July 9) for the church wedding service to acknowledge unwed couples living together and those who have children, I have been with my partner for six years and have had three children during that time.

Although we plan to marry, we had the children first. Too many people get married and soon divorce because they do not know how committed they must be to stay with one person or because they cannot live together.

Living together is in itself a commitment - a 'dry run' for marriage. You can sort out a lot of problems this way and if it does not work, you do not have the mess of divorce.

Many people get together, but they are not in love. They are 'in lust' and lust is not enough to keep a relationship going. There is no 'rosy pink glow' when you live together. You see each other and your bad habits and how hard life is - you see reality. If you can cope with that and still be in love with your partner, then you have got over the first hurdle.

People change when they live together and this can break the strongest of relationships. However, if you are lucky it can make the relationship stronger.

Too many people marry without any real idea of how hard it is.

But when a couple who have been living together marry, they know that it is hard but have been committed and are less likely to divorce as they have already gone through most of the compromises and problems that couples have.

Name and address received

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