THE LIGHTHOUSE FAMILY: Postcard From Heaven (Polydor) - Yet more pop pap which is instantly recognisable as the Lighthouse Family (pictured), sounding exactly like the rest of their soppy, soft, soul-tinged slush. Although this sounds like a slightly different version of their hit High, it falls short even of that pathetic milestone. If this is a taste of what heaven sounds like, I'd better start sinning so I don't have to go there. (2/10) PB

McALMONT: A Little Communication (Hut Recordings) - This has about as much energy and inspiration as The Lighthouse Family's effort. 1999 can only get better from here because this slow, going-round-in-circles type of soft rock-pop is about as much fun as a New Year's Day hangover. (3/10) PB

ALBUMS

ENGLEBERT HUMPERDINCK: The Dance Album (The Hit Label) - Given that his classic tune Please Release Me was used on cult TV comedy series The Fast Show, this album of Humperdinck classics to a dance beat could have been a tongue-in-cheek success. However, the producers of these new mixes, including Quando Quando Quando and Spanish Eyes have failed to inject any life, any urgency and, most essentially, any sense of humour into his cheesy old songs. Expect your gran to hear him telling Radio Two how he's re-invented himself but don't expect to hear any more. I thought this album might be a bit of fun but after a couple of listens I found myself saying "Please Release Me." ( 2/10) PB BLONDIE: No Exit (RCA) - The most pointless comeback album I think I have ever heard, Debbie Harry (pictured) and friends have finally lost the plot. They take themselves very seriously, trying their collective hand at reggae, rock and jazz, making a cringeworthy hash of them all. The opening track Screaming Skin, with its mix of reggae and '80s-sounding guitar rock sounds very dated but it is postively uplifting compared to what follows. The lyrics are naff and the whole thing sounds jaded, dull and ill-conceived. This album isn't out for a month or so, so I'm giving you plenty of warning to avoid it. If you want to look out for a cut-price copy, this one will be going to one of the charity shops in Accrington town centre before too long. (0/10) PB

Converted for the new archive on 14 July 2000. Some images and formatting may have been lost in the conversion.