This week, Larry Bennett has e-mailed us with a somewhat unusual, offbeat and entirely tongue-in-cheek, version of events regarding the arrival of Andy Gray...

THERE have been alarming developments at Deepdale following the announcement that Preston manager David Moyes has taken winger Andy Gray on one month's loan from Nottingham Forest with a view to a permanent signing.

Nottinghamshire Police are understood to have interviewed the Forest manager Ron 'Mr Bojangles' Atkinson about the loan transaction. Mr Atkinson, it appears, was unaware of the Preston manager's reputation for taking goods on sale or return which were invariably returned in a soiled condition without a sale.

Lancashire Police say that they have visited the Deepdale club at the request of their Nottinghamshire colleagues to investigate whether or not there is any substance to the allegations.

Their first request was for a photograph of Mr Moyes' team. This caused considerable confusion in the club shop, where detectives were handed three separate photographs to choose from.

One was the official team photograph, but this was rejected after it was explained to the senior detective that this was Mr Gary Peters' team and not Mr Moyes'.

The second photograph was of more interest to them. It was a group montage of some 50 players who had either been on loan or on trial at Deepdale during the current season.

The senior detective is understood to have expressed considerable disquiet at the sheer volume of transactions of this kind entered into by Mr Moyes. The photograph was retained by the police for further study.

Finally, the detectives were handed a photograph of Mr Moyes's team. This photograph comprised Mr Moyes himself, dressed in a track suit, together with a Mr Jason Harris and a Mr Dominic Ludden attired in the Preston North End kit.

The police expressed bewilderment at the paucity of footballers included in the photograph and demanded further evidence that no other players were members of Mr Moyes' team.

After considerable discussion, the club agreed to stage a practice match between a Gary Peters side and a David Moyes side. The result of this match was 96-1 for the Gary Peters side. Kurt Nogan had an outstanding match, scoring 37 goals but the Gary Peters goalkeeper David Lucas was made man of the match for his 10 goals, a record for an opposing goalkeeper in any match.

The David Moyes side comprised Dominic Ludden, up to the final five minutes when he was substituted by Jason Harris, who got a late consolation goal for the David Moyes side. Mr Moyes, who is still registered as a player and who might have played in the game, was unfortunately away from Deepdale on a scouting mission for another loan player.

Club Chairman, Mr Bryan Gray, said that neither he nor Mr Moyes would be panicked into buying any player and that they had no plans for a full signing before the year 2004 at the earliest, that is, unless someone came in and offered £1 million for Gregan.

If that was the case, there is an Orient player whom Mr Moyes was stalking who might be brought in for £30,000 which would be a club record signing for Mr Moyes.

Converted for the new archive on 14 July 2000. Some images and formatting may have been lost in the conversion.