I RECENTLY came across an advance draft of the 2005 electoral manifesto for Hyndburn Borough Council. Much of it is intelligible, but you may be interested to read the section dealing with transport. It reads as follows:

Roads: We are pleased that almost all of the roads in the borough have had the tarmacadam surface removed. Of the major routes, only the A678 is without cobbles. This measure has been particularly popular with senior citizens, although less so with cyclists.

Tram lines: The restoration of tram lines began in earnest last year when Councillor Slynn polished the first ceremonial yard of track outside Ye Olde Globe Centre. An extensive network of tram tracks should be in place by 2007.

Drivers: The 2003 decision to erect a 10-metre fence around the circumference of the borough compelled most motorists to get rid of their odious vehicles. For those who resisted, the decision to impose a local petrol tax of £2.50 per litre (national average 85p) has been most successful. We are proud to announce that the only car remaining in Hyndburn is the Mayoral vehicle.

Horses and carts: The increase in horse driven transport is in keeping with council policy. As an incentive to those considering such an investment, we can announce that all horses will be allowed to graze free of charge on council grounds used formerly for football and cricket. By extending the Millenergy scheme we are able to offer cavity wall insulation and double glazing on all carts and horse-drawn caravans at reduced rates.

Conclusion: The council is proud that the traffic-calming measures begun in the last decade have developed so positively. We have removed the blight of the motor car and believe the closing down of all retail businesses and several hundred small companies was a small price to pay for the safety of residents.

Having started the fight against technology in transport, the council is committed to look at how modern development affects your lives. It will therefore begin a feasibility study into the return of chimney sweeps, poor houses, tuberculosis, and the mandatory covering of piano legs.

NEIL YATES, Livesey Street, Rishton.

Converted for the new archive on 14 July 2000. Some images and formatting may have been lost in the conversion.