GARY Willard and his refereeing buddies want to be chauffeured to and from games for safety reasons.
Why stop there?
I think referees should have help crossing the road, with a choccy reward for their guide dogs when reaching the other side.
There should be free guidance on how to tie their boot laces, to stop them from falling flat on their faces at vital moments.
And how about the availability of a central 'bottle' bank?
One thing is clear. If that was not a penalty, when Ashley Ward's lower limbs were buffeted by Charlton keeper Andy Petterson, then the players had better lay on a fleet of ambulances to transport them from games.
The more cynical would say there was just one thing on Willard's mind as Ward orbited Saturn before plummeting earthwards: "If I award a penalty, it will relegate Charlton."
And there was no Sherman tank available to transport him home through the hostile streets of South East London.
It was too much for one man to handle.
So why leave such decisions to just one man?
Several miles up the road, at a showcase sporting spectacle, the referee had no such problems.
Not only did the players of Leeds Rhinos and London Broncos have to respect their official, for fear of punishment, they had confidence that his judgment could be backed by hard evidence at key moments.
The argument against video replays for football is incontrovertible.
Penalties, red cards, goal-line queries (wasn't Martin Pringle behind the line for his clearance from Jason Wlicox's header) and offside decisions when a goal results, should all be rubber-stamped by a fourth official. There is no logic in the theory that the game will become punctuated and boring.
By the time Ward had regained consciousness, identified and reattached his missing limbs, the fourth official could have looked at an angle from a camera inside Petterson's nostril without extra delay.
In cricket and rugby league, tension is at its highest when the video verdict is awaited.
(And, even if the game does drag on, it's more precious minutes away from a nagging better half.)
Of course, the safety of referees is a valid issue.
But the coin that hit Hugh Dallas in the Old Firm game on Sunday would have stayed in a Glaswegian pocket, had that particular ref had the benefit of back-up when deciding on a more appropriate punishment for Celtic's Stephane Mahe.
And the kind of scenes that Willard's spineless decision provoked amongst Blackburn fans on Saturday would be drastically curbed by a more reliable verdict. Willard's pursuit of the easy option means he will have to wrestle with his conscience, not fans, if the worst comes to the worst for Brian Kidd's men.
That decision at The Valley would have been just one of a number of factors producing that outcome.
Injuries have been horrendous, granted. But that is when financial muscle should be effectively flexed. Discipline has been poor. But where does the blame lie there?
In any case, for what it's worth, I am still optimistic.
Southampton will not beat Wimbledon and I saw Forest at their best last Saturday - and that is not good.
Don't expect any favours from Alex Ferguson next Wednesday.
There is, however, no better team to play on the final day than a collection of over-indulged foreigners (aka Newcastle United) with a selfish eye on their big pay-day out at Wembley the following week.
Neil Bramwell is the Sports Editor
Converted for the new archive on 14 July 2000. Some images and formatting may have been lost in the conversion.
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