Wright On! Shelley Wright takes a wry look at life

TO the person or persons who chose to break into my brother's new car I have just one thing to say. Thanks very much. I hope you choke on my George Michael CD.

My life is now officially on the line because, of all the days you could have chosen to break into a car and of all the cars you could have chosen from, you had to choose mine didn't you? And on the one day when I was driving someone else's pride and joy.

Worse than that, it was my brother's pride and joy and he reckons I don't look after things as it is.

Brilliant eh? Not only am I now facing footing the bill for the stereo and the repairs, but I'm also going to need hospital treatment when I tell him. But it's not my fault! I'm sure he'll see that after the initial shock. Won't he?

I mean, OK, if I'd been driving around at 100mph, stereo blasting out, not looking where I was going and smashed into the back of a bus, I'd expect a slap - but I can't help someone breaking in. Can I?

And he did say I could use it while he was on honeymoon as a bonus for looking after his dogs - although I should have known it was a bad idea when he left an A4 side of strict instructions and conditions about not slamming the door and keeping the stereo down. But he didn't mention anything about people slashing the door with a screwdriver, so I'm not sure of his policy on that.

All I know is he loves that car. But I haven't had the stereo on full blast since someone prised it from the dashboard, honestly, and there are no CDs in the glovebox either - although that's only because they nicked them too. It's not looking good.

He's going to be really upset and I can't blame him for that. Seeing that gaping hole and the wires hanging out of the dash made me feel sick and it's not even my car.

I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw it. I kept looking at the unlocked doors and thinking something wasn't right but I couldn't see any damage at first so it took a while to sink in.

And I kept thinking I must have left it unlocked and saw my life flash before my eyes as I tried to imagine how I could tell him that.

I didn't really know what to do, so I did what everyone does in a major emergency - I telephoned my dad.

And I must have looked a complete nutter as I kept tapping the glass in the windows and opening and shutting the doors trying to find out how they'd got in while talking hysterically on my mobile phone.

It was almost a relief when I spotted a puncture in the passenger side door - although don't tell our Lee that. I could have knelt down and kissed the ground when I realised it wasn't my fault after all. But it doesn't really matter now does it?

It's just I find it absolutely outrageous that someone would do that. How dare they just decide they like the look of something and take it.

I mean, my mate's got a nice jumper on today but I wouldn't dream of walking up to her, smacking her in the face and taking it. It's just not on.

Although, if I spot someone with George and my brother's stereo tucked under their arm I might not be as reasonable, you know.

Reader... I think you made me feel better

I'M feeling a bit better about being mistaken for an underage drinker in a Blackburn supermarket last week after one kind-hearted pensioner wrote to tell me about being refused half-fare on the bus because she didn't look 60-plus.

"Get used to living with it," she laughed, "I still have problems and I've got an OAP pass. "But it's better than the other way around - between you and me, I have a sister who has had one foot in the grave since she was 30.

"It's in the genes I reckon and an attitude of mind as to how we age."

So, if I've got this right, what you're saying is that I won't even be able to get a bottle of wine when I'm 65 because I will still be paying full-fare on the bus. Thanks very much.

Converted for the new archive on 14 July 2000. Some images and formatting may have been lost in the conversion.