Sometimes it's hard to be a woman

ELECTING to undergo a sex change must be one of the hardest decisions anyone will face in life. It is typically preceded by years of torment and anguish for someone who feels trapped and isolated by their own body but constrained by an overwhelming fear of what people will think. Here a transsexual explains to reporter MICHAEL RIBBECK what life has been like for her.

FOR as long as she can remember Laura has known she is not the same as other people.

But it tool her more than 40 years to realise she was a transsexual and the only thing which would make her life complete was to become a woman.

Laura Randelli was born in 1948 in Yorkshire and grew up to be a typical man with one major difference - she felt like a member of the opposite sex.

Laura, who now lives on her own in a Blackburn flat, talks about the person she once was as if he was an old acquaintance.

And it is hard to believe that Laura is a father of three whose past jobs include working on building sites and as service manager for a large company.

Laura has been married twice and even spent six years serving in the Royal Navy. But with all that firmly in the past, the 51-year-old has been living as a woman for the last two years, even though she has still not yet taken the final step. Laura is now waiting for what used to be called a sex change operation but she prefers to think of it as "gender reassignment."

The painful operations lurk in the future but in many ways the changes in Laura's life are already huge and irreversible.

She had her name officially changed and the majority of mail sent to her home comes in that new name.

She refuses to give her old name for fear of hurting those who she once lived with.

She is taking hormones and and regularly visits a psychologist to help her come to terms with the massive upheavals in her life. The person who has become Laura had what many people spend all their lives aiming for - a good job, a loving family and a comfortable home.

But all that changed one morning two years ago when Laura decided to walk out on the marriage and set up home on her own.

Laura said: "My wife had known for some time I was a transvestite but I never did it in front of her.

"My daughters found out after my wife blurted it out during a family row and that was one of the hardest things to deal with.

"I have always felt different to everyone else and I felt more and more isolated from my family.

"In the end I decided it was best for everyone if I moved out and set up on my home."

Within weeks of moving into her new home Laura found the female side of her personality was becoming stronger and stronger.

Soon Laura found herself getting up every day and dressing as a woman. She also lost her job and contact with her family after two difficult meetings with her daughters.

She said: "Although there is a lot of prejudice and we are unfairly treated, the hardest thing to cope with is the loneliness.

"I can count the number of friends I have on one hand and although I have tried to get a job it is impossible.

"Loneliness is the biggest enemy transsexuals face in life."

Laura sees her situation as a medical problem which needs to be treated and is determined not to become a victim.

She has joined an organisation called Press For Change, which stands up for the rights of transsexuals.

She said: "Transsexuals are denied their civil rights and liberties, and at present have no legal status. We are denied employment, we cannot marry and we are effectively prevented from adopting or fostering.

"Transsexuals are liable to prosecution for using toilets appropriate to their proper gender, they face prejudice and discrimination and misunderstanding within society.

"Compared to the rest of the world, in its treatment of such people the UK is at the bottom of the scale."

People wanting more information on Press For Change should write to BM Network, London, WC1N 3XX.

Converted for the new archive on 14 July 2000. Some images and formatting may have been lost in the conversion.