NASTY Nick Faldo has nailed his colours to the mast - of the Stars and Stripes and not the Union Jack.

The sulky traitor, rightly dropped by Mark James, has turned his vitriol on old pal and European hero Colin Montgomerie, just one week before the world's greatest sporting fixture - the Ryder Cup.

And Monty's heinous crime? Being successful in Europe.

Faldo must still be smarting over his own decision to seek his fortune on the US tour.

That has done as much for his game as lugging Nick's bag around has done for Fanny's lumbar vertebrae.

Montgomerie, however, has proved consistently that he is the best player on our continent - a continent that consistently proves it is better at team golf than North America.

Dubbed Mrs Doubtfire by the partisan Yanks, he is actually more of Mr Surefire compared to Faldo's Miss Fire.

Let's hope that Monty and his men again ram that superiority down the throats of Tiger and his team of pussycats next Friday.

You might have expected a column on the Ryder Cup to be carried next week, a day before the event is due to start.

Well, next Thursday, I will be busy choking on my mom's apple pie, dyeing my blue jeans, pouring root beer on my root vegetables and generally tuning my home into a Yank free zone.

Isn't jingoism great?

And can I venture to suggest a little game I invented after the last competition?

Look in the phone book on Sunday night for the code for an American city, New York is usually best as they are the most volatile, and dial random numbers until someone answers.

Then laugh loud and long about the European success. The reaction is usually memorable.

Neil Bramwell is the Sports Editor

Converted for the new archive on 14 July 2000. Some images and formatting may have been lost in the conversion.