AN old chestnut about the acting profession concerns an actor who, describing A Streetcar Named Desire, said: "The play is about a woman who goes mad and is taken away by a doctor. I play the doctor."

And if you asked Michael Kirk, now appearing in the farce Love's a Luxury at Oldham Coliseum, he might well reply: "It's about a scoutmaster who is embarrassed by the goings-on at a weekend cottage."

Except that in this case he wouldn't be far wrong. In a strong Coliseum cast, Kirk is outstanding.

Confronted with threats to his life from a supposed killer, and to his virtue from a man masquerading as a woman, his wimpish consternation is a delight.

Even on his first appearance, where he pops in to borrow an egg, his spinsterish nature is written all over him. Writhing his body into contortions worthy of Uriah Heep, Kirk has few funny lines, but his body language says it all.

This performance is a gem, and worth the ticket price on its own.

The rest of the company are all old Coliseum friends from recent productions, notably Eric Potts as a theatre manager with wife problems and John Elkington as an ageing juvenile.

The play itself, written by Guy Paxton and Edward V. Hoile, starts slowly but picks up speed as things get complicated.

The plot is of the "My jealous wife must never find out" variety and there are a couple of romantic sub-plots. To be frank, the plot is not up to much, but is well-served by good acting.

Stage design, by Keith Baker, is well up to his usual high standard and the 1920s period is well evoked by costumes and the choice of piped music in the theatre.

Directed by Kenneth Alan Taylor, Luxury is well worth popping over to Oldham for, if only to catch Michael Kirk's portrait of inhibited middle-aged desperation. The play runs until April 29.

Parking is £1 in the next street to the Coliseum. Tickets: 624 2829.

M.B.