I'VE never been fond of poetry since the days I tried to write it at school and was a complete flop. I once copied a verse out of Bunty or one of the girls' mags for my homework -- and the teacher thought it was so good she wanted to put it in the school magazine. Tut! tut! I never did confess. Sorry Miss Smale.

However, I just had to include this little ditty I spotted in the Wigan and Leigh Pensioners' Link newsletter. All mobile phone haters will agree:

I am not a bore, I'm sure of that

And do not care to wrangle

But hearing other's idle chat

Just sets my nerves a-jangle

They're on the bus and on the stairs

There's one on every corner

In coffee shops and market squares

And even in the sauna!

I'd like to snatch them all away

And stamp them in the gutter

Although I know they're here to stay

(and someone's bread and butter)

They ring and buzz, some play a tune

I'm nearly half-demented

Oh how I wish the mobile phone

Had never been invented.

I couldn't have said it better myself.