I'VE got a bit of celebrity news this week and you can deny it all you want but there's no quenching our insatiable thirst for gossip.

Although I would like to think of myself as not so much above it as completely detached from it, the truth is I like to know who's doing what to whom and where just as much as the next person.

Recently it has been Little Old Me from Little Old Rochdale rubbing shoulders with the movers and the shakers. And if a certain television personality had her way it would be more than my shoulders that would be rubbing.

Word has reached the Just Jamie nerve-centre that none other than the Famous Lisa Riley has taken a shine to me! An informed colleague -- who it seems has a direct line to the stars -- let it slip this week that the former Mandy Dingle has made her intentions known about spending some quality time with me (actually she said she wanted to play Buckaroo but I'm taking that as meaning something far more sinister).

It's not something I'm taking too seriously seeing as we've never actually met. The closest our contact has been -- apart from me watching You've Been Framed -- is when she phoned up for a colleague, the one with the direct line to the stars, and I intercepted the call. Thus the only reason the Famous Lisa Riley has designs on me is because of my dulcet tones. She's not even seen a picture of me and if she did I'm sure the flames of desire would soon burn out. Still, it's always nice to be appreciated and especially by someone famous, and although I've played it cool on the outside -- (nonchalantly) "she likes me does she, that's nice" -- on the inside I've been dying to tell everyone. I get excited seeing whosit off the telly when he's in front of me in the queue at Tescos but for someone like the Famous Lisa Riley to actually know your name let alone like you is an unsolicited thrill.

I wouldn't usually reveal any secret admirers, not that I have any and not that I think that the Famous Lisa Riley does actually fancy me, but the Long Suffering Marjorie knows about our clandestine relationship, which so far has been kept to one e-mail saying "hello Jamie" to which I replied "hello Lisa."

I managed to conceal it all for an hour but I gave the game away when I started babbling "it's Lisa Riley, she fancies me she does, look it's Lisa Riley" when she popped up on the telly.

I initially thought the LSM would have shared my enthusiasm at having a celebrity admirer but she took it a tad too seriously. I've been banned from watching anything with her so called "love rival" in.

The Long Suffering Marjorie has insisted there's not enough room in our life for such a bizarre love triangle -- especially when one of the parties is the Famous Lisa Riley -- and demanded I nip it in the bud.

So before it even started my relationship with a star has come to an abrupt end. The e-mails have already stopped and I'll never get to know what would have really gone on if I had accepted the invite for that game of Buckaroo. I could have been eating at the fanciest restaurants staying at the swankiest hotels, appearing on all the gossip pages in the tabloids, hiding my face from the papparazzi, being pushed and pulled, probed and questioned ultimately ending up with a stint at the Priory.

Perhaps I'm better off in sunny Rochdale after all!