YOU wouldn't believe the bottom had fallen out of the mobile phone market.

Shares in hi-tech companies have continued to plummet, the latest being Marconi.

Fears are that everyone who wants a mobile phone has got one by now, and they're not spending extra on updating.

However, there's lot of new money-making ideas going on if the adverts for top tones and logos, if the weekend papers are anything to go by.

The latest I've seen are character messages for the mobile answerphone.

Some of the best on offer (and they're all rubbish) include:

Well how do you doodly do?

At the tone you will have exactly ten seconds less remaining of your life

Congratulations, you have won a new car

And for the fitness fanatic:

5,6,7,8 can't talk now

All users have to do to be the proud owner of such tosh is ring an 0907 number for which calls cost £1.50 a minute to get the service.

That's a few bob for companies if owners are daft enough to want to outdo each other with silly responses.

As a phonophobe, the most appropriate answer for mine, were I ever to get one, would be "Oh (emphasized) who's that now?"