THE prophecy said there shall be a new Messiah and he will come forth to us all. And he will be called Gareth (or Will but most probably Gareth) and we shall worship him and buy his records.

And then forget about him in a month or two.

The fuss about the TV talent show has reached near Biblical proportions and on Saturday genial hosts Ant and Dec will announce the news that the nation has apparently been waiting for forever -- who will be our new Pop Idol.

It certainly has been a week the pair will never forget. Dragged off around the country in their battle buses to court the nation's media, the programme makers have successfully ensured the angelic face of Gareth and the rather lop-sided visage of Will have been splashed across every tabloid in the land.

Even the so-called "quality press" have got in the act, sending their quality reporters to quiz the talented ones. Of course they did it in an ironic sense.

But, while I've nothing against either of these two making the kiddies swoon and making a few quid in the process, I strongly object to the word 'idol'.

Idols are people to look up to, someone to admire and ultimately wish to be. Who'd want to be 17 again?

I want my idols to act like they are above us mere mortals.

I want them to travel in huge entourages and hand in unreasonable requests to tour managers and hoteliers. And I want them to scream like wounded animals when those requests are not met.

I want them to spend thousands of pounds on shoes for their dogs and I want them to be so unapproachable that they will only dine out in hired-out restaurants.

I want them to be cartoon characters, living in a world that 'ordinary' people like you and I could never imagine nor understand.

If I were a Pop Idol these are exactly the things I'd be doing. I'd drop the 'Pop' though (it's too bubblegum) and simply be known as "Idol".

In fact I would invent a symbol meaning idol and only be referred to by that. And, ironically, I would become idle. Only getting out of bed for a concert.

When it comes to recording the album they would just have to build the studio around my bedroom. And if they refused, I'd scream like a wounded animal.

Talented singers they may be, but Will and Gareth would never do that. The closest Will got to rebelliousness was telling judge Simon Cowell he didn't agree with him. Hardly Keith Moon is he?

And if they did start behaving like that, they would quickly be labelled as ungrateful brats, rather than having "artistic temperament."

The problem about Will and Gareth is that we have seen them being made.

When we met them, many moons ago, they were snivelling sycophantic hopefuls, eager to please the all-powerful judges.

The very magic and mystique that surrounds our stars has been stripped back to reveal the bare bones, completely ruining it.

And for someone who was never keen on it in the first place that is quite damning.

I'm a huge fan of Big Macs but I don't want to see the cow being slaughtered. I just want the end product, complete with fancy packaging.

Call me shallow but everyone else is the same.

Once chosen, Gareth (or Will, but probably Gareth) will release a single and have an instant number one. A bit like Hear'Say from the hit TV show PopStars.

Then the lucky winner will release an album of bland covers and even more bland originals, written by the very people who churn out the same old trite for bands like Westlife. And that too will go to number one. Just like Hear'Say.

And then they will disappear save the odd appearance at the opening of their local supermarket. As will Hear'Say.

As popular as they may be on television I'm almost positive that their allure will not translate to their music. It's free to watch Gareth sing on a Saturday night, how many people will actually pay £14 for the same honour. Now if that were me...