IT'S going to be an all-white summer according to the fashion icons.

Not for me it isn't.

Apart from looking like an ice cream seller, an all-white suit brings back bad memories.

Last time I wore one I was pencil slim, lived in Tunisia and ended up at the nick.

I had been conscious of a fellow train passenger mouthing-off. Apparently, being a natural blonde, he thought I was a German lady of the night. Being a typically English dunce when it comes to foreign languages I was unaware of the verbal abuse, but my fella knew he was being offensive and as we arrived in the capital he grabbed a policeman.

After a chase the loudmouthed offender was cornered and dragged to the police station where I witnessed him being beaten by the local constabulary, so much so that his own white pants turned a shade of brown.

After a personal apology from the police chief I was assured he would not do it again -- and I'm sure after such treatment he wouldn't dream of offending anyone else, ever.

No namby-pamby faffing about there -- and no more all over white clothing for me -- ever.

Anyone else had any all-white disasters -- apart from weddings?