SO, YOU'RE taking the lads away for a few weeks - say, seven or eight weeks - and you need to keep them entertained in between kickabouts against Sweden, Argentina and Nigeria.

They're going to be away for a few weeks, probably without the Mrs or the sprogs, so how do you prevent an outbreak of cabin fever amongst the luxury hotel suites?

If your name is Eriksson, the answer lies in video games, soothing classical music and videos ranging from Four Weddings and a Funeral to Gladiator.

They form part of five separate packages ranging from 'get fired up' to 'chill out' - in fact they all sound suspiciously like the beginnings of another FA marketing tie-up.

It also includes more than 100 books, possibly included as a contingency in case Graeme Le Saux got into the squad.

But Sven is being less forthcoming than some of the other managers on another key issue.

To coin a phrase, no matter how hot it gets during the day, there ain't a thing to do at night.

So, what are groups of 23 young, excitable men with energy to burn going to do after the gaffer tucks them in?

Cuddling teddy and sucking their thumbs isn't going to be enough for the young men of Poland.

Several of them have already splashed out the equivalent of an ordinary Pole's monthly salary to take the wife along for the ride.

But the likes of Jerzey Dudek shouldn't get too excited - the wives and family will be some 75 miles away from the base camp - a recipe, surely, for a few Brief Encounters style tearful train station moments.

However, others - notably the Brazilians - are taking a 'treat them mean, keep them keen' approach and separating man and wife.

We'll see whose approach works come June.

Our Japanese friends are being told not to fear the thousands of England supporters who will be heading for their shores next month.

The British embassy is handing out leaflets advising the locals how to communicate with the nice gentlemen with the Millwall FC tattoo.

Popular phrases such as 'England are a great team' are aimed as much at calming the nerves of Japanese who believe the English supporters will be tooled up with kalashnikovs and machetes as actually preventing aggro.

Fortunately, 1,000 of the people who would not be appeased by such sweet-talking won't be going to the land of the rising sun.

However, the nagging fear remains that the kind of people featured in BBC Two's excellent Hooligans documentary series won't be easily deterred.

Personally, I think, the world cup is much too dangerous for anyone to reasonably consider attending.

So, if anyone locally is planning a trip to Japan, don't bother.

And, just to be on the safe side, send me your tickets for safekeeping....