IT ALL starts today, one month of football that will have people across the whole world glued to their televisions.

For the next few weeks you can guarantee that whether you are queuing for a bus, standing at the check-out or sitting in the pub, the main topic of conversation will surround the events in Japan and South Korea.

So here is a special A-Z guide that will allow even the most uncommitted fan to bluff their way through the football chat:

A is for Argentina: Most likely to say - No wonder Veron was rubbish for Man U, he was saving himself for his country. Least likely to say - If they beat us we should give them the Malvinas back.

B is for Beckham: Most likely to say - What we need is another free kick special like against Greece. Least likely to say - Let's hope he can kick Simeone again!

C is for Costa Rica: Most likely to say - They might struggle to win without playing Scotland. Least likely to say - Isn't Paulo Wanchope boringly predictable.

D is for Denmark: Most likely to say - At least they haven't got Rudolph the red-nosed keeper (aka Peter Schmeichel) in goal. Least likely to say - Let's hope the Koreans don't try to eat the Great Danes.

E is for Eriksson: Most likely to say - The super cool Swede will not wilt in this heat. Least likely to say - At least getting knocked out means he can try and get back with Ulrika.

F is for France: Most likely to say - They won it last time and they look like they could win again. Least likely to say - So Barthez is wearing a curly wig to protect his head from the sun.

G is for Germany: Most likely to say - They might not be the greats of old but aren't they efficient. Least likely to say - Now that England are out there will be a lot of support for the Germans.

H is for Hansen: Most likely to say - Isn't he bitter about England being there and Scotland having a side fit for the Nationwide Conference. Least likely to say - Great to hear the big Scot giving all his support to England.

I is for Ireland: Most likely to say - He may be barking mad but Ireland have really missed the influence of Roy Keane. Least likely to say - Roy who, Keane has not been missed thanks to the brilliance of Holland and Kinsella.

J is for Japan: Most likely to say - The dream is over as the sun sets on the land of the rising sun. Least likely to say - The host nation will be looking to use their height to test the opposition defence.

K is for Korean Republic: Most likely to say - Their coach is on a Hiddink to nothing being in charge of the co-hosts. Least likely to say - The Dutch may not be here but it is a Dutchman who is on top of the world.

L is for Lineker and Lynam: Most likely to say - I prefer to have breakfast looking at these two rather than Eamon Holmes and Fiona Phillips. Least likely to say - It's a shame ITV Digital has folded, they'd have done a better job than those two losers.

M is for McCarthy: Most likely to say - He really doesn't want to talk about Roy Keane, does he. Least likely to say - Did you hear him this morning: "I'm sorry Roy, you're a lovely bloke, I'm a horrid Yorkshireman, please come back."

N is for Nigeria: Most likely to say - The Super Eagles are really flying at the moment. Least likely to say - I knew that Kanu would be top scorer.

O is for Owen: Most likely to say - I hope that Sven wraps him in cotton wool because if he is not fit we've really had it. Least likely to say - Who'd have thought Heskey would turn out to be a more natural finisher than his Liverpool team-mate.

P is for Portugal: Most likely to say - Blooming heck, I wish we'd been in the same group as that lot. Least likely to say - Who would have thought that this would turn out to be the Group of Death?

Q is for questions: Most likely to say - Who the Hell thought that Garth Crooks would be any good at asking questions? Least likely to say - Wasn't that an interesting interview by Garth Crooks?

R is for referees: Most likely to say - Aren't you embarrassed that Graham Poll was considered to be the best ref we had to send out? Least likely to say - Great to see such a high level of refereeing this time around.

S is for Spain: Most likely to say - The great under-achievers have at last got it right on the biggest stage of all. Least likely to say - I bet they wish that Steve McManaman was Spanish.

T is for Turkey: Most likely to say - Tugay will be glad he had a haircut playing in that heat. Least likely to say - Christmas has come early for this Turkey side.

U is for USA: Most likely to say - Forget the World Series, now they can see what it is like to play a real world sport. Least likely to say - Now surely soccer will be more popular than gridiron.

V is for Voller: Most likely to say - I might not like Beckham's mohican but Voller wins the worst haircut award. Least likely to say - Isn't Rudi Voller's hair smart, a real throwback to a golden age of perms?

W is for walking wounded: Most likely to say - If there are many more injuries even Phil Neville might get a call-up. Least likely to say - The injuries don't matter now we have got Trevor Sinclair back.

X is for xenophobia: Most likely to say - Why are some English fans incapable of respecting other teams' national anthems? Least likely to say - Glad to see the papers have not gone over the top ahead of our clash with Argentina.

Y is for Yokohama: Most likely to say - There is more chance of Sven getting off with Yoko Ono than there is of England getting to the final in Yokohama. Least likely to say - England could not have an easier route to the final in Yokohama.

Z is for Zinedine Zidane: Most likely to say - ZZ shows that he is the tops again. Least likely to say - Is that hair-piece sponsored by adidas?