I'M keeping a close eye on things in the Far East.

The injury crisis in the England camp has seen our players drop faster than Manchester United down the Premiership and replacements could still be called up.

Sven-Goran Eriksson was today due to name his final squad, which will carry the hopes and dreams of the nation throughout the World Cup. Captain Becks has recovered from his broken metatarsal and is a certainty, but doubts still hang over Kieron Dyer.

Leeds striker Alan Smith and Blackburn's own midfield marvel David Dunn are both waiting with bated breath to see if they will receive the call which could very well change their young lives. So am I.

With so many crocks in the camp I wasted no time in sending my details to the FA's London HQ, hoping they will be so kind as to pass it in on to Sven in Japan.

I enclosed a brief footballing CV of my career to date (St Edwards Primary School, Rochdale 1979 - 1983; local outfit Castleton Gabriels 1984 - 1989) plus a video of the Under-15s final between Castleton Gabriels v Churchill Street, with a covering letter explaining why I feel I should be given the chance to represent my country in the World Cup.

I explained that although I may not have the technical ability of the players he could take instead of me, I do possess "bags of enthusiasm", which I thought might sway his decision. I am a good team player, I wrote, who feels he would be a benefit to the team as a whole, and I asked him to consider my application carefully. I also mentioned that I like the cinema, reading and socialising, before ending it with a plea that I would probably never get the chance to play in the World Cup, and such an experience would never be bettered, or even nearly rivalled, in my insignificant little life.

I don't usually go for the begging approach, but the prize is so great I thought it would be worth it.

I also told him that seeing as how I have not been part of a long and arduous season in the Premiership, I am not suffering from any of the fatigue the other players seem to be. Three metatarsals and a gaggle of thigh strains cannot be wrong. In fact, I wrote, I have not played a competitive football match for nearly 10 years so I cannot be any more risk-free from injury.

So far I have heard nothing, but then again neither has Smith or Dunn, so all is not lost.

Like those two, I'm getting myself mentally prepared and physically fit should the opportunity arrive. This past week I have dined on nothing but Chinese takeaways to get me used to the food over there (I know it's being held in Japan, but I don't know any Japanese restaurants, and besides it's all the same isn't it?)

I've also been getting up ridiculously early at weekends to avoid jet lag, should I get the call.

I've even bought a pair of garish brown shoes just like all the players wear - but still nothing.

I'm not holding out much hope for a call-up, but all the same it was well worth the effort of sending my details.

Who knows, if Mr Eriksson gets back into club football after the World Cup, he might ring me then and ... hang on, there goes the phone now.

"Oh hello mother. No there's nothing wrong, I just thought you were somebody else."