The Rev Kevin Logan, Vicar of Christ Church, Accrington

SUMMER sale now on! Giveaway prices! Opens tomorrow morning at a church near you.

As you rush to join the overnight queue, don't forget to take this Saturday Message.

Here's a brief checklist of what's on offer. As you recline on your Li-lo enjoying a coffee from the thermos, tick what ever takes your fancy.

qJoy Forever. A delightful aroma. This product last longer than any of its competitors. Our Proprietor promises it to all who come to him in trust (see chapter and verse for this free gift -- John ch.10, vs. 10).

qPowerhouse. This is the real McCoy, giving you a new divine Spirit of power within. Beats all human and computer simulations. A must for all who feel their lives are out of control (even the small print says so -- Philippians ch. 4, vs. 13).

qSweet Peace. Applied liberally, it brings a new harmony with our Creator and the rest of creation. The potency of this passes all human understanding. You and I were literally made for this product (Philippians ch. 4, vs 6 & 7).

qBecause You're Worth It! This is an all-over preparation for body, mind and spirit. We might not feel we're worth anything, but our Proprietor insists otherwise. He's made us a little lower than the angels for now, but promotion is pending (Psalm 8 -- read the lot! The handful of verses are a tonic in themselves).

No credit cards needed for the above. All four come gift-wrapped. They were purchased in bulk by our Proprietor at a place called Calvary 2,000 years ago at great cost to himself.

The above are free to all who accept him as their Proprietor.