FAMILY bereavement, divorce, moving home, having a baby - these are the most stressful experiences in life, according to a survey.

They are closely followed by raising a troublesome teenager, arranging a big family occasion and taking on extra responsibility at work.

While I agree that all those things do take their toll, there is one glaring omission. Going on holiday.

I realise that this is a bit of a contradiction in terms - holidays are supposed to de-stress, not pile on the angst. But throughout summer most of us will have been party to partners, friends, neighbours and colleagues getting worked up about a forthcoming vacation. Not to mention the battle to overcome severe malaise and struggle back into the daily grind once it's all over.

Failing the likes of car trouble or stolen travellers' cheques, while you're actually ON holiday it's great. There's no denying that holidays recharge batteries and help to heal the sores and irritations of the rat race. I'm living proof, having just returned, depressed but rejuvenated, from a wonderful week on the North Yorkshire coast.

But the stress surrounding the break in many ways rivals that of moving, during which, says the research, by an insurance company, more than 70 per cent of couples argue and a third of women complain of being left to do the organising.

For holidays, I would put this figure at 90 per cent. In preparing for holidays women certainly bear the brunt. Packing, arranging for pets to be fed and plants to be watered. In some respects - particularly to avoid confusion - it's easier if one person does the job. But for whoever it falls upon it's exhausting.

If you're self-catering, as we were, it's far worse, with bedding to pack and as much food as you can cram into the car.

Children don't help, having their own ideas of what they want to take - stuffing lifesize toy animals, dolls in their own mini car seats and bizarre bits and pieces that they haven't played with for months but now decide are vital, into the back seat.

For some strange reason when going on holiday, we feel it necessary to clean and tidy our homes from top to bottom. Lord knows why. Whoever is feeding the cat has probably seen your mess before and the only other individual who might make an entrance while you're away is a burglar.

By tidying, we're making the job of rifling through our belongings easier. But still, on top of everything else, we do it. We make exhaustive lists - turn off this, lock that, leave this shut - but, invariably, something is forgotten. The heater is left on for a fortnight or the cat flap left open for late-night feline orgies.

Of course you remember when you're halfway there and spend the next three days worrying about it.

As the end of your holiday nears, you can feel the stress returning - the thought of all that unpacking, the heaps of dirty washing and all those menacing-looking brown envelopes that arrived in your absence. Then you have to mentally and physically prepare yourself for work.

We try to block out our real lives so much that we just can't bring ourselves to look for our shoes or bag on Sunday night, leaving the frantic search to Monday morning when "if only" dreams of winning the lottery dominate your thoughts.

It's all so taxing that, even before you're back in the office, it leaves you desperate for another break to recover. But few will deny that it's worth it.