DEAR Massi, I read Dear Massi every month but I wanted your advice on something which has been bothering me for some time.

I live away from home with some friends. We are all studying at university and have just begun our first year of study. My parents were against it at first but I finally persuaded them as the house is full of females.

I have a close cousin who is older than me and he works where we study and he is always coming to the house to check up me. Sometimes three or four times a week. I finally lost my temper at home with my parents who I accused of sending him there. However, they say it's 'not an issue and why am I so worried?'

Recently he has started coming over later in the evening and I'm sure my flat mates are getting annoyed with it. Although they haven't said anything. I've told my parents and him that it's not nice how he just turns up out of the blue. But nobody listens to me.

I tried pretending not to be in at times but then it seems I'm out late at night. I don't know what I can do.

I just feel trapped and so angry all the time because I'm being treated like a child.

I'm not the sort of person who can tell people to their face because I don't like hurting their feelings.

CB Blackburn

Massi Says,

I understand your frustrations. And I speak from experience. It seems as if this cousin of yours is more than just an unwanted guest at your home.

I'm surprised he's not got the message yet. Maybe he has and is just doing it now because he feels he has a duty to. The hardest thing is trying to make your cousin and your parents realise that just because you are living away from home does not mean you are going to get up to things they would frown upon.

I suggest you talk to someone close to your cousin and tell him or her how you feel. Somehow, you need to make this 'visitor' understand he's just being far too nosey for his own good and shouldn't be visiting a house full of females when he's not wanted.

It always easier for people to tell you to be blunt when you are dealing with relatives but in reality it's not always that easy.

Put it in such a way so it seems that you are not complaining but the other people in the house are. Hopefully he'll get the message.

Try not to get angry with your parents though because from their point of view they are always going to look out for you no matter what.