THEY say there are two things you should never try -- incest and Morris dancing.

I'd like to add Cliff -- The Musical to the list.

I'm not going to start knocking the Peter Pan of pop. I simply can't argue with 280 million record sales.

But if Cliff Richard is such an important part of pop history then a musical about his achievements should have at least been a glowing tribute. Instead, we have a cringing, crawling, unfunny attempt to portray his life. And Mike Read.

For those of you who thought Mistletoe and Wine was bad, you should hear it sung by Read.

Read plays an 80-year-old 'Lord' Cliff looking back at his life. Cue, more than 100 songs by Mr Richard. There's only one set and it looks like something from an am-dram production.

If you're a fan of the singer I suggest you save yourself some money by staying at home and putting on his greatest hits CD.

CLIFF - THE MUSICAL

Opera House, Manchester

runs until tomorrow