DEAR MASSI, When I married my husband I thought I knew all the details of his past. He had told me he had been married before but told me she was from abroad and they are no longer in contact.

He also told me it was a forced marriage and he no longer talked to anyone in her family.

However, I have found out recently she is still in contact with him and rather than her being from abroad she lives in the next town. She is a British citizen and is born and bred here.

She has regular contact with his parents too. A new friend of mine who knows her family also told me my husband was seen in town with his ex-wife's brother. All this has come as a great shock to me and I don't know why he would lie to me in such a way. He should have told me the truth from the very first day.

I have confronted him with the information and after many arguments he has admitted she still conacts him from 'time to time'. He says he met her brother because he always got on with him.

I am also very angry with his family now as they have also lied to me.

I just don't what to do now. He doesn't seem to understand that I don't want him to contact her at all. But he says I shouldn't be worried about anything.

We don't have any children of our own yet but I don't see how any child of ours would fit into such a situation.

HK Blackburn

MASSI SAYS,

It must be a very distressing time for you during which you have learned quite a few things about your husbands true character.

His family members are just as guilty but what concerns me more is the actions of your husband. First of all he lied about his past and continued to do so. By keeping you in the dark in your eyes it means he is guilty. Or it could be he didn't want to bother you with the past.

Either way he was broken the cardinal rule of a happy and fruitful marriage and that is to lie.

With regards to his family they have not considered your feelings at all but what concerns me more is how your husband reacted. Obviously he thinks it is OK to remain in contact with his ex and members of her family leaving you paranoid all the time.

I suggest you talk to him again and this time give him an ultimatum and find out for sure how much he loves you. You can't be expected to sit idolly by as he continues to lie to you. He needs to understand how much this is hurting you and how you feel with regards to his actions. He might think he hasn't done anything wrong.

If he agrees to break all contact with his ex and her family I feel you will still not be happy because you will always have these feelings of mis-trust at the back of your mind.

I feel you need to think long and hard about whether you be able to put all this behind you.