I HAVE been married to my husband for 3 years. We have a son who is one and a half years old.

The problem is that my husband works too hard and I never get to see him until after 9pm. I've accepted he works long hours but sometimes he goes out with his friends until after midnight.

We argue a lot over it because I hate being alone. He says it's no big deal if he sees his mates (he doesn't see them every night) and I should just deal with it. I try to do things during the day. I work in the morning which I love and I have a car but I am just not happy.

I would give everything up if he just spent some time with me and our son. But he says he's a good husband compared to other men who go out all the time. Is he right? I always thought that when you marry someone you have to be there for them.

I am depressed and have been for a long time. I just sit and cry everytime he leaves us alone at night. I thought your husband was supposed to look after you.

I don't have many close friends here and all my family are in another town. Is this what marriage is? Will I have to accept that this is what my life has come to?

My husband says he loves me but maybe he is lying. I tried to commit suicide at my lowest point but nothing has changed since.

Am I being too possessive or are there actually men out there who spend time with their wife and look after them in a way a husband should?

A

MASSI SAYS,

I can understand you might be feeling very vulnerable and lonely.

You say in your letter you don't have many friends. It might be good idea to join a local women's group. If you don't have one in your area you say you have a car so you could travel to one in another area. The important thing is to keep yourself busy throughout the day. Many women's groups hold a variety of activites and are very welcoming.

With regards to your husband, try not to let conversations degenerate into arguments. Talk to him. Try suggesting the two of you and your child take a holiday once in a while or go out as a family at least once a week.

You could also invite members of your family to come and stay every now and then.

You don't need to accept that this is what your life has become. It is his responsibility to make more of an effort to spend more time with his family but it is also your responsibility to find different activities to get involved in. Don't ever consider suicide...that is not the answer. Your child deserves more.

Marriage is all about compromise and once you get yourself involved in different activities you might find he's asking you to spend less time at home!

It is difficult I understand and I get many letters from women about this issue.

I am sure when your husband sees you spending more time out and about he will quickly realise just what he is missing.