I AM no good at introductions so it's best not to try. Let's just say I've always lived in Blackburn give or take a couple of years and will be here every Friday to take a look at the lighter side of life as well as all the serious stuff.

It all depends on how you see it. Let us begin with holidays.

Unfortunately I won't be going on holiday this year.

I had thought of visiting Pakistan but seeing as most of my cousins are now living in Mill Hill, I decided against it.

In the past few years I have noticed the eagerness with which many of our community go on holiday somewhere else rather than Pakistan, India or Bangladesh. The airport trip is the same though.

May it be Mumbhai or Marrakesh there's no escaping the entourage. Fifty people turn out to wish you a good trip and fifteen others -- good riddance.

If your trip takes you within five hundred miles of South East Asia someone always turns up at the last minute with a small bundle of clothes.

"Seeing as you are going to be in the area just pass this on to my cousin Barlas. He can't get married without it."

The suitcases are sealed airtight and have huge orange labels attached to them.

As if anyone is going to want to steal 20 yards of Massi's (auntie's) finest.

The airport is jammed with kids pushing trolleys laden with everything from plastic plates to boxes of PG Tips. Passport control is nothing compared to the weigh in.

The lady over the counter doesn't accept any money so we are forced to plead with her.

"Oh go on you tight cow. It took me ages packing all that washing powder."

When we arrive all of a sudden our 'Englishness' kicks in.

We hate the way everyone drives, it's far too hot, every market stall holder is not to be trusted and the waiter should learn some English.

But because we're a different colour everyone thinks we're one of the locals until we open our mouths. It could be that or the little things we do, like ordering fish, chips and peas for every meal.

And if by any freak occurrence you end up getting into any bother the hardest thing is trying to convince the officials the British passport is actually yours.

"So you are English?" the policeman asks..

"Yes brother."

"Why you here?'

"Holiday" is the reply.

"So where is your 20 bottles of beer and why you wear clothes?"

"Not all English holidaymakers like getting drunk and showing off their flab you know!"