Stan suffering yellow fever

I understand it is likely to be quite a lavish event, given the fact your organisation will have in excess of £350,000 in the kitty raised from player fines.

Naturally, I promise to wear black and bring a whistle, which we can all blow together in annoying unison at regular intervals and interrupt everyone else's enjoyment.

I think I would be well suited to blend in, since I love being the centre of attention and always think I am right. My role model is definitely Clive Penton, who I overheard leaving Carrow Road on Saturday evening bemoaning the fact he had no choice under present guidelines but to book five players - four from Burnley - in a game devoid of any meaningful challenge, thus taking the Clarets tally of yellow cards to 19 in just eight games.

Might I even suggest bringing this event forward to December, because at this rate so many footballers will be serving suspensions over the festive period that we are likely to have to halt the fixture list.

Yours sarcastically, Darren Bentley.

Ok, ok, so I haven't actually rushed to the post box this morning to fire off the missive to Mr Don, the champion of Premier League referees and, as such, dictator of the insane rulings that order the men in black - consequently even those in the Nationwide League - to flash cards quicker than David Blaine.

But after watching another inept display from one of his cohorts over the weekend, surely Don will be relieved since his postbag must already be bulging with complaints from disgruntled managers across the country.

Naturally, the high profile games still get all the attention, and one couldn't help noticing Rob Styles in particular getting deserved stick for dishing out ELEVEN yellow cards in the Everton v Newcastle clash.

But yellow fever has broken out across the country, and the epidemic is in danger of spreading to most first team regulars.

Penton did manage to resist putting his hand in his pocket in an entertaining and competitive first half at Norwich. But after the break, his armpit should have carried a sponsor so keen was he to make up for lost time.

In 12 minutes of madness, skipper Graham Branch was booked for what appeared to be a 'look of intent', Lee Roche for an innocuous foul, Mo Camara for a spot of nothingness near the corner flag and Luke Chadwick for harshly tripping Darren Huckerby.

All four cards were met with a shaking of heads in the press box, and Burnley boss Stan Ternent was also scathing in his assessment of the on-field shenanigans, which are threatening to further weaken his already stretched squad.

He said: "We are not a badly behaved side and if players step out of line on the field with dissent and retaliation and a tackle that isn't appropriate, I come down on them like a ton of bricks.

"Yet we still get a lot of yellow cards. Roche has mis-timed a tackle just after coming on and Huckerby goes over, gets up and helps Lee up - yellow card. It's quite incredible.

"But to be fair to the referees they are probably under an instruction. They took £350,000 from the Football League last year in fines from players, which is mind blowing."

Ternent added: "It's something I feel that needs to be looked at because it's difficult enough in the financial climate with injuries, but suspensions are getting to the stage where they could be on a par with that.

"It ain't good for the game in my view and I hope they don't take it the wrong way because I am trying to be constructive about it. "But certainly Phillip Don has a lot to answer for as he's the top man and he governs the situation. People pay their money and no-one wants to see bad tackles, but it's an art and a part of the game."

Ironically, the only thing Penton did get right all afternoon was the dubious penalty appeal Burnley had on the stroke of half time. Luke Chadwick looked to have been felled by Gary Holt's outstretched boot but - sorry Stan - TV replays later clearly showed the on-loan Manchester United man blindly ran into Holt while focusing on Robbie Blake's delightful through ball.

That decision always looked like it could prove crucial. And after giving as good as they got in an evenly contested first half, where Delroy Facey could have given the Clarets the advantage but for wayward shot as he latched onto Blake's pass, Norwich eventually grabbed the all-important first goal.

Andy Todd and David May had coped admirably all afternoon with ungainly aerial presence of Peter Crouch, so there was a cruel sense of irony when the 6ft 7in striker found the breakthrough at ground zero.

Todd was caught out trying to dribble his way out of danger and Crouch stuck out a boot, saw the ball deflect kindly off May's shins, and stroked the ball past helpless keeper Brian Jensen from 18-yards.

In truth, the goal had been coming. Darren Huckerby struck fear into the Burnley back line with his electric pace and only Jensen was his equal with a couple of smart stops.

In contrast, a glance at the 'shots on target' column showed Burnley's failure to convert plenty of possession into meaningful chances, with Blake's weak effort at the start of the second half the only save Robert Green had to make all afternoon.

But as Ternent's men pressed for an unlikely equaliser, there was a sense of injustice when Huckerby once again sprinted clear and found gap-toothed Iwan Roberts to complete the Norfolk nobbling.

NORWICH 2 (Crouch 59, Roberts 90)

BURNLEY 0

Att: 16,407