ANY lingering doubts I was harbouring that we are living in a very large lunatic asylum were dispelled for good when I read a report which convinced me the time had come to take the shovel, dig the hole and jump in.

A panel of experts on mental health -- there are experts on EVERYTHING these days -- have said that showbiz wannabes who expose themselves to scorn and humiliation at the hands of the Pop Idol panel, particularly Simon Cowell, were in serious danger of suffering serious mental breakdown, even suicidal tendencies.

"Rejection and the shattering of dreams can lead to bitter disappointment, heartbreak, traumas, a feeling of hopelessness," one "expert" intoned, suggesting that Mr Nasty, aka Cowell, and his associates should be less dismissive, more caring when dealing with the legions of the lost.

I detest these so-called television reality programmes because they bear very little resemblance to the life I know and would like to continue for a while. Pop Idol appears primarily to be a comedy show without professional comedians, although Ant and Dec -- how in God's name have they made it? -- try their lame best. There are hundreds of amateur comics masquerading as singers lining up to be verbally flayed before the cameras after murdering their chosen song.

Talentless young people travel miles and queue for hours to face the Pop Idol panel, only to be dismissed with carefully cultivated, icily-delivered put-downs from the hatchet man who is seen by the head doctors as a cruel destroyer of dreams; an assassin of ambition, etc.

He is nothing of the kind. Merciless he may be but Cowell and the rest are sticking to a formula with their execrable show. You suspect the producers deliberately concentrate on the nutters to make the programme "interesting". They know Joe Public likes toe-curling embarrassment, as long as it's some other poor mug being humiliated. It's good for a laugh. The fact that, according to the "experts" it could lead to a mental breakdown, self-harm even, probably never enters the equation as far as the Pop Idol panel, and their TV Masters, are concerned. If it does, it is soon shuffled out again.

You could argue that anyone who, for whatever mistaken reason, believes that he, or she, has something to offer the world of entertainment probably deserves all they get on "Pop Idol -- the execution". Maybe they should face a panel of mental health experts BEFORE they audition. Delusions of grandeur are treatable, I believe.

I've never thought of myself as a singer but used to think I could play drums before I heard Buddy Rich live in concert. That experience didn't make me suicidal. It merely suggested that as I had just the one pair of hands and he, quite clearly, had at least two, how could I possibly compete? My psychiatrist agreed and claimed only half his fee as he considered that my reasoning, while preposterous, was enough to keep me sane. He didn't reckon on my being Pop Idoled: into the funny farm.