THREE things in life are certain. Birth, death and losing away to Sheffield United!

Bramall Lane has hardly been the happiest of hunting grounds for the Clarets and, ever since the last elusive win when I was just a nipper, it's been either ritual humiliation or a messy affair that usually ends in one more lost opportunity.

This latest venture into Steel City definitely fell into the latter category - and just for good measure fate opted to throw another obstacle into the mix.

Stan Ternent must have felt like the captain of the stricken cruise ship Aurora as he surveyed the sickness in his camp before setting sail for Sheffield.

As it was, 'flu victim Glen Little failed to make it off his sick bed, while Luke Chadwick, Robbie Blake, Delroy Facey and Mark McGregor all dragged their weary bones on board.

Battling Burnley certainly carried no passengers as they did their utmost to blow Neil Warnock's flotilla out of the water.

But after a titanic scrap, it was the Clarets left manning the lifeboats once again!

It was never going to be pretty - games against the Blades rarely are - but even by past standards this encounter truly was dull as dishwater.

Goalmouth action was at a premium and Burnley, struggling to get into any attacking rhythm themselves, plugged all the holes to keep high-flying United at arms length.

The fact Warnock described it as a "beautiful" victory probably says more about simmering off-field shenanigans than any honest analysis of his own team's pitiful performance - which paradoxically would have taken them top of the league but for West Brom's amazing fightback at West Ham.

On this evidence, Ternent's assessment that there is little to choose between the majority of First Division sides was certainly more telling.

But what cruelly makes all the difference - all too often in favour of teams at the right end of the table - is that little bit of luck.

And in a game that was careering towards a sorry stalemate, United were the grateful recipients of a whopping great slice.

The danger appeared minimal as Ashley Ward out-jumped Graham Branch for virtually the only time in the game to flick on Rob Kozluk's hopeful free kick.

Keeper Brian Jensen tippy-toed off his line to come and smother and looked as if he was going to beat Jack Lester to the loose ball. But right back Dean West was rightly taking no chances and went to return the ball with interest in Kozluk's direction.

Unfortunately, the impeccable Arthur Gnohere was the wrong man in an awful place at the worst possible time and the ball cannoned off his chest, back off West and pin-balled straight to the unmarked Michael Tonge eight yards out for the easiest tap-in he will ever have.

Just to sum up Burnley's ill fortune, the fourth official had just flashed up the two minutes stoppage time caused by an earlier injury to Graham Branch.

Talk about bad timing!

The knock-on effect was that United returned to the dressing room seconds later riding the crest of a wave after seeing the Clarets carve out the best of the few first half chances.

Richard Chaplow, who last week bagged only his second senior goal, almost followed that strike with another inside 90 seconds of the kick off.

Delroy Facey menacingly moved into the box on the left and pulled the ball square to the 18-year-old, whose fierce first time effort was patted to safety by Paul Gerrard in the United goal.

Jensen enjoyed one of his quietest openings of the season before Tonge finally smacked one from distance straight down his throat in the 18th minute.

The Dane was less assured a minute later when he spilled Peter Ndlovu's speculative drive, but redeemed himself with a brave dive at Lester's feet from the follow-up.

Chris Armstrong - younger brother of former Burnley defender Gordon - flashed another long-ranger over the bar before Burnley conjured up their second effort of note in the opening half.

Chaplow started the move with a sweet ball out to Dean West, before dashing into the area to meet his cross with a firm header that was just too high.

Naturally, the goal rocked Burnley back on their heels and a re-shuffle was needed just three minutes after the restart when Graham Branch hobbled out of the action.

Mark McGregor, so impressive on his reserve team return last week, took over the captain's armband to mark his first start of the season.

And it was United at sixes and sevens as Ian Moore quickly caused panic in the ranks, just losing out to Gerrard in a race 25 yards out.

The loose ball fell to Luke Chadwick, whose instant lob towards a gaping goal lacked sufficient weight and allowed Phil Jagielka to jog back and clear the danger.

Lester volleyed over and Ward curled just wide as finally the game flickered to life.

And Jensen kept the fire in Burnley bellies with a truly magnificent full length save from sub Paul Peschisolido's diving header.

That almost sparked a late sting in the tail, with Mo Camara jinking past the Canadian striker at the other end and whipping over a dream ball that Chaplow was inches away from converting.

But there it was - another defeat at Bramall Lane. You're left almost hoping they get promoted so we can avoid returning next year. Well, almost!

SHEFF U 1 (Tonge 45)

BURNLEY 0

Att: 20,967