AT this time of year we are swamped with information about weight loss. Photographs of women who have lost their Dawn French-like proportions to emerge more like Kate Moss's shadow adorn magazines and newspapers.

We are bombarded with advice on how to lose those pounds, in the form of diet plans, fitness regimes, even surgery...and so many of us fall for

it.

Apparently, more than a quarter of adults in the UK are on a diet at any one time.

But so many of us want a quick fix -- well I do.

If you're anything like me you won't be able to sustain lengthy eating plans or rigorous exercise regimes.

Not that I haven't tried to lose a few pounds (or stone) here and there.

But my efforts to lose weight have been short lived to say the least.

Cutting out bread:

I once interviewed a married couple who had each lost an incredible amount of weight and looked fantastic.

I asked them what was their secret and they told me they had simply stopped eating bread with meals.

As a consumer of vast amounts of bread I decided then and there to follow their lead.

How long I lasted:

Approximately four hours. Unfortunately, we had fish and chips for tea and you can't possibly eat them without bread and butter can you? And everyone needs toast to start the day.

Consuming only 20g of fat each day:

Not being one to sign up for an official weight-loss course, I read about a diet plan that followed this rule. I decided to stick religiously to it and check the labels on everything I bought.

How long I lasted:

Approximately one day. Have you ever walked around a supermarket on a horrendously busy Saturday afternoon mentally totalling up the small print on the back of packs of bacon, bags of crisps and cans of soup?

Worse, have you ever faced up to having to live indefinitely off bean sprouts and water cress?

Jogging:

On my way home from work I regularly see a group of joggers trotting along. They look so slim and fit and make me -- sitting in my car at the traffic lights -- feel somewhat slug-like.

So, a couple of years ago I bought some jogging pants, unearthed my purple Nike trainers, circa 1980, and under cover of darkness, headed out, planning to run a little further every night.

How long I lasted:

A couple of nights. By the time I'd put the children to bed, it was just too much effort to drag myself out. And as soon as I huffed and puffed through the door after staggering around the block, my husband served up a huge evening meal, so there was no point really.

Exercise videos:

At least here, I thought, you can embarrass yourself in your own home without fear of bumping into friends and neighbours.

How long I lasted:

About five minutes. Despite the fact that no-one was watching, I have never felt so utterly ridiculous in my whole life.

I'm still on the lookout for something that will work. I don't fancy liposuction, but have just read that sex is the key to the perfect figure.

If that includes thinking of England then I should soon resemble Elle Macpherson.