I ain't the kind of person to talk but I've got my hands on more gossip over the holidays than most people would believe. I know everything now.

I can tell you who's doing what and with whom and which councillor can't stand to attention.

I can tell you who's daughter is doing the hanky panky and with who's son. And why he's always out until one.

When he gets a new car I'll be able to tell you what he had to sell to get it.

When he gets a new house I'll tell you what illegal thing he did to buy it.

Whilst she takes a step closer to heaven I'll be able to tell what she's doing in private.

Do you know what she does with that mobile phone? I know and it ain't too pretty.

Do you know why he had to go to Pakistan? It wasn't to get married it was for something else and I can tell you everything if you can keep to yourself.

She ran away you know, with him and then they got married and came back home.

It was such a mess but I know the truth and what happened.

I bet you didn't know why they had to have the wedding so quickly. I know and I ain't telling because I promised I wouldn't. Oh go on then, I'll tell you over a cup of tea but I shouldn't.

Just talk to the hand because the head ain't listening. I lie sometimes but it's all for the best.

In the mosque and in the temple I know what goes on and who the movers and shakers are. They all think I don't know anything but I see things when the sun rises and I see him leaving the bar.

It isn't that I like to tell you what is going on but the information just comes to me and I feel obliged to share it with you. I think it's my duty and so would you if you knew.

I bet you thought it was all lies but wait and see it will come true in the end. She knows it will and I'll be there to tell you why.

If you don't believe me it doesn't matter I'll just go and tell someone else who can spread my news.

It's all good you see because I'm Mrs Know it all. Even if I don't know everything I'll just make it up to start a conversation with you in the park, or on your doorstep or when you're not looking.

Guess who I bumped into the other day. You couldn't care less well, well that's not nice...everything OK with you. Maybe I can help.